Braid
by Kaeru Shisho
Summary: The interlaced stories of the GW pilots mirror their entwined friendships as they romance their way through life.
1. Chapter 1

**Braid**

Summary: The interlaced stories of the GW pilots mirror their entwined friendships as they romance their way through life.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Gundam Wing or its characters, nor do I make any monetary profit off this story.

Warnings: AU, male/male pairings, language

A/N: A nine-chapter birthday gift to Waterlily thanking her for providing so much editing and humor that's kept me going. Thanks also goes to Snowdragon for looking this over first. Cheers today!

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**Chapter One**

Introduction

By hook or by crook (mostly sneaky bribes) I got my buds to write this account starting from a point after the war ended and ending with our escape to L5. Now, for all that it sounds like an exciting adventure story, it's not.

I've misled you. And not for the first time. This is a romance.

This is a romance story about us, created out of submissions from Trowa, Quatre, Wufei and Heero—and a word, literally, from Milliardo. I've stuck in one teeny, tiny bit about my time with Heero, but mostly this is it. This is all he writes—an introduction- oh, and a happy ending.

So, without further delay-

Oh, about the title. Yeah, a delay; I've misled you again. Heh, heh.

"Braid" sorta implies it's about my hair. You know it's not, because I already told you what the story is about, and even though you know I can be deceptive, I'm not a liar.

"Braid" provides a visual description of the technique I used to I weave the different parts of the story together. Trowa's (with a smidgen from Quat), Heero's (with another of those smidgens, but from me), and Wufei's (with even less than a smidgen, a _smid_, a word, from Milliardo)—that's three parts, like my braid, even though it is not about my braid, but you can see the analogy, or will once I stop with the introduction and allow you to follow how it goes.

Just to warn you, though, like my braid, this is a little rough in parts, uneven, frayed, to take the analogy a bit further. So, it is sorta like my hair, heh, heh… yeah.

Hope you enjoy this.

—Duo Maxwell

**(o) Trowa's POV **

"Leave him alone," Rashid's voice rasped, sounding muffled in all that beard of his, and his back was turned so Quatre couldn't hear him. What he'd said had been meant for my ears only.

I shot the older man a disparaging look. I didn't need to ask Rashid why; I knew why. This was my second time visiting Quatre at the Maguanac retreat on the edge of the Sanc Kingdom.

My first visit had been during the war and had lasted a day and a night, with a similar order as I was hustled to the exit. Quatre and I had been just boys then, me a very dangerous one, but surrounded by the older fighters that were devoted to him, I wasn't about to fight. No, I'd been outnumbered and outmanned. I hadn't wanted to risk my life just to kiss a pretty boy.

This time we were older, and he was less pretty. He was handsomer, sexier, and unaware of it, which made him all the more alluring. The war was over, Quatre and I were heroes, of sorts; our side had won. Filled with bravado and raging hormones, I was determined not to be intimidated by Rashid or obey his orders. If Quatre wanted me to leave, he'd have to tell me himself.

"Hey," I asked the young man who'd captured my heart, keeping my voice muted for him. "Headache better?"

"Well, today is cancelled due to migraine. Hopefully tomorrow will be headache-free and productive," Quatre said without looking up. He seemed plunged into a profound suspicion by a mug of tea. "What kind of herbs did you say Wufei put in this tonic? I hope it doesn't make me sick to my stomach or put me to sleep. Have you ever drunk this, Trowa?"

Rashid's eyebrows drew into a single black line. He hadn't taken a seat and he hadn't indicated that I could. We shared the increasingly shrinking space uncomfortably.

I may have smiled fractionally. A thought appeared in my mind: _if I had been a puppy, Rashid would have drowned me to protect the breeding line._

I wasn't certain where the thought had originated; Quatre and I had shared feelings across the universe, but not actual thoughts before. When I looked at him, although his eyes were downturned, he wore a faint smile.

That bucked my courage a bit more. I straightened and moved around the table, closer to where Quatre was sitting. "Yes," I told him. "I have. It helps with headaches; don't ask me how, but the Chinese having been drinking that shit for thousands of years without it diminishing their population. If you'd like, I'll walk you to your room so you can lie down. I can carry the tea."

"Oh, well. Yes, I think I'd rather loll about a bit where it's dark and quieter."

And off he went, with me loyally at his heels, panting at his side like a lost puppy who'd found his owner at last.

I guessed immediately that he'd read my mind, when he choked back a laugh. "Don't!" he said, wincing. "Laughing hurts my head!"

So, our mental line of communication was real! That closed that line of questioning for now. I took comfort in the fact that from here on out we'd never be apart, no matter what distance separated us.

I told him, "I wouldn't mind if you invaded my mind again. You have my permission to share your thoughts anytime."

"That's very… kind of you, but I don't think it's a good idea. I wouldn't want some frivolous interruption of mine to startle you and by chance cause an accident."

I felt a sharp stab of disappointment, but then realized that he was right. "So, if I hear voices in my head?"

"You are crazy, unless it includes a 'dog' reference, then you know it's me, and it would signal a serious situation."

"And I should pay attention. I'll remember that."

After that, Quatre rarely invaded my mind. He could 'feel' my strong emotions occasionally, but I never felt his. Still, I _knew_. The longing. I saw it. Every so often when Quatre didn't think I could see him: a reflected image in a window, behind sunglasses, a flicker before he hid his eyes in his bangs or a smile– desire, naked and raw. For me.

I hoped it killed him, because resisting him was going to be the death of me. I had my chances and I didn't do a thing. Maybe I wanted to prove Rashid wrong and prove my worthiness.

Would I be just as much a corrupter of him as Rashid guessed? At least I kept my perversions in my head. I didn't act on every impulse, just a few. And not with him, others, later, after I was on my own again.

My first sexual experiences were, well, lame. Crippled by the lock-down I kept on my feelings had much to do with it. The mechanical part of sex is pretty much automatic for a guy. I couldn't have cared less what my partner at the time felt. I got past the moral issues since I knew the other boys with whom I was consorting really didn't know me or love me either, that it was all superficial and point-scoring on their part anyway. It allowed me to justify meaningless sex as, well, just that. I wasn't looking for true love or a life.

Not much of a catch was I? I would have told anyone who'd ask that I was saving myself, emotionally for Quatre. Until he changed his mind about me.

I attempted to modify our brotherly relationship on my next visit. Part of the Winner's Sanc country estate included a few acres of unimproved parkland, which butted up to a small forest preserve. A small entourage of Maguanacs on a rotating duty roster provided the simple security Quatre required. Rashid was not there at this time.

I arrived in the early evening, and Quatre rushed me outside before I'd had time to set down my rucksack. He held my hand and picked out a trail to a shaded outlook. It was after dinner, but hours from sundown on a searing hot late summer day, when we reached his favorite "spot".

"Look, there they are," Quatre whispered.

I sighted along his arm to a finger pointing toward the dry meadow. A small herd of deer, adult females and a mix of youths were taking turns eating and watching.

"Umm," I leaned back to rest my head in his lap.

"Right on time." He ran his fingers through my bangs, pushing them off to the side.

The buzz of cicadas lulled me into a dreamy state. I could still hear the shrill cries of the gnat-eating swallows swooping low over the drying stream, then veering off toward their nests in the trees.

Quatre had brought a book to read. I knew that sometimes what he liked best, what he needed most, was quiet. The out-of-doors and peace from the emotional turbulence of other peoples' minds that bombarded his sensitivities.

A short span of time passed. A cooling breeze stirred a few strands of hair over my eyes. "Was I asleep?"

"Yes. Feel like picking flowers with me?" he asked, while closing his book gently.

"Sure."

"The Queen Anne's Lace is pretty with the poppies," he said. "Oh, look over there, pink flowers."

"That's a variety of vetch, a wild pea. Would you like some?"

Of course he wanted some. _Play the gallant retriever for me_, came his thoughts aimed straight at my brain. I might have stumbled for the surprise of it.

"That was the first time you did that since I was here last," I managed to say.

"And I almost made you fall…" his voice trailed off and he turned away so I could chew that over in private, I guessed.

He could be a danger to me, but so what?

I found a stand of clear, blue cornflowers, all on my own, picked three long stems, combined them with other flowers, and delivered them over. "These almost match your eyes."

The delicate flush of pink on his cheeks contrasted beautifully with the windblown strands of his buttery, gold hair, and then his big, honest eyes opened, "Really? Oh, how pretty! Thank you."

I wanted to kiss him and hold him and more; I blushed at the thoughts I had of what I like to be doing with him. I hoped he wasn't "receiving" thoughts. Knowing he couldn't miss the lust radiating off me was bad enough. He seemed too special to ruin with such base thoughts, the kind that could get me into so much trouble with him. I felt like I would be the one trying to man-handle him every time I reached for him.

As teenage terrorists, we'd managed a few meaningful touches, whispered promises, nothing more. When the war ended, I had run off to the circus and he to his corporate family. I hadn't proper computer access; I hadn't known how to contact him, and he had not contacted me. We were out of communication for a while, until the circus made its rounds to his neck of the woods.

This time when the circus was in the area I took a few days off, and he made time for my visit. I still wasn't certain how to act around him, and now, we only had the day left to us; what could I do with just one?

I decided I would have to make more of myself to be worthier, truly. I was just a killer and a clown. What I needed was a kind of purification. To become a healer. As a doctor, I could save lives. Would Quatre then think I was a worthwhile suitor (that's sounds old-fashioned enough for him to have used)?

I sighed to expel the worn air with my eternal self-doubts. "I'm going to finish college and become a doctor," I announced.

"Oh, Trowa! That's wonderful news! I just know you'll make it happen. You're so capable!"

This time he let me kiss him all I wanted, with limitations, there in the late-summer sunshine, in the tall grass with the swallows and cicadas and the foraging deer as the sun dropped low on the horizon.

**(o) Heero POV **

Duo wanted something, but I couldn't figure out what it was, until he kissed me in greeting one morning.

"Mornin', 'Ro." He kissed me lightly on the lips, rolled over and out of the bed we shared.

Right after the war we took Relena at her word, believed in the new peace, and agreed to try our hands on a re-construction job. An area of Sanc damaged by bombings was being turned into a conservation area with recreation and undeveloped wild lands. Together, we built a small cabin, trucked in water and propane, and played campout for weeks on end, while in the Sanc government corps employ.

I found the experience fun and rewarding. We got along fine. Worked well together.

And then the kiss happened.

To be honest, deeply hidden inside, I wanted something to happen, and I was beginning to understand what it was I wanted. After weeks of sleeping on his mattress, side-by-side, him naked and lying against me, I had become frustrated as hell. There had never been any question that Duo was sexy, but me-being-me- taking myself very seriously during the war and retarding my emotional development in the process- had been so all-consuming that I hadn't really thought about Duo in those terms. Not until recently. Once I started looking at him, catching more "'glimpses" of his naked body, I found it hard to stop.

But stop I did. I put up stumbling blocks and tried out different styles of blinders. Even if emotionally I was interested in pursuing the "Duo tangent", as I thought of it, in my head there was a job to do, and that was paramount. Just as in the past, I had elevated my missions to first and foremost.

Denying my body and emotional desires in favor of completing objectives was so ingrained in me it was practically instinctual. Personal needs took a backseat. Overcoming a shortfall was in my repertoire, but ignoring Duo was becoming very challenging. I'd have to learn new skills to handle my Duo problem and I had no Doctor J to direct me.

Being the clever guy he was, Duo was giving me some time to get used to the idea. It was unspoken, but understood that the energy between us had changed even if neither of us was doing anything about it.

Except getting increasingly frustrated; at least, on my part.

With the kiss, I got my wake-up call. Duo had declared, in essence, "Time's up!"

I had been getting dressed, sneaking looks at him in his boxers as I pulled my pants on. His toned and lean body showed some bulk coming on it as he grew out of his skinny teenage years. His skin was lightly tanned and his arms bore faint sun-bleached hair, attesting to our time working outside on earth. When he turned, I could better admire his smooth chest complete with that rope of a braid he still kept. Very nice.

Somewhere in-between glancing at him and buttoning my jeans, Duo moved swiftly across the room and caught my lips in his- again. It was shocking, abrupt, and sent my head spinning. It was nothing like what I had expected and everything that drove me crazy.

My head swam- and that was no exaggeration! This was real and happening to me. That kiss made me stupid with desire. When he removed his lips from mine, I had temporarily lost the reasonable parts of my mind. Other parts of me were screaming, but my head was devoid of thought.

I took an unsteady step back and found him smiling at me. "You kiss all your friends like that?" I asked, for lack of anything better to say.

"Only the hot ones."

"Reality check for Duo," I shook my head. I was not "hot". Compared to him, I was ordinary in the looks department. "Why did you do that?"

Stupid question? Yes, but with half a functioning brain, the pure animal part, it was the best I could do.

"Thought it might help you make up your mind." He was still smiling, completely relaxed.

I guess I wasn't looking very intimidating all starry-eyed and all. "Hn." I ran my hands through my hair, both hands, one after the other, mussing it worse than it already was, and slumped against the wall.

"What's up?" He leaned next to me. As always, he was oozing calm-and-matter-of-factness, but his presence was doing just the opposite to me.

"I just... don't want to get into this. Especially with you. It'd mess everything up."

As I scooted past him and out the door, I heard his whispered answer, "How do you know?"

We played "avoidance" all day, but in a nice way. He never gave me that hurt look Quatre surely would have, or disappeared into a secret dimension like Trowa could, or exaggerated the incident all out of proportion like Wufei might have. He just went about his work ignoring me for the most part. I, however, didn't do such a great job of doing the same.

I had expectations. If I slept in Duo's bed that night, the alternative being the floor, something was going to happen, or maybe I just hoped it would. I didn't mind the idea of tempting fate, and going to bed with Duo was definitely tempting fate; I certainly had lived a life rife with risk so far. Actually stepping beyond the theoretical and making a move of my own was highly unlikely, though. I would be crossing that real but invisible line that separated friends from lovers. I didn't want to be responsible for whatever decision I made_, but if it just happened?_

It was a restless night. It seemed I'd been wrong about the tempting fate thing, since Duo had plunked himself on the other side of the mattress and was apparently taking the high road. Disappointment and dissatisfaction blended and built a giant cinder cone within me as the seconds ticked past. I could feel the pressure gather- going from being pissed at myself, to being pissed at Duo for kissing me, and back to being just plain frustrated.

Duo must have sensed the near volcanic state I was in. His arm reached out across the mattress just after midnight and pulled me back against him. By this time I was so needy, I bit my lip to keep from making a noise when my body contacted with his warmth. This restraint wasn't determined enough that I could maintain it when his arm accidentally brushed the rise of my chest through my t-shirt. A short gurgling sound emitted from my throat, which seemed noisy in the dark, silent, one-room cabin.

There was a definite and unnatural stillness from Duo.

"Sorry," I whispered, mortified.

"Don't be sorry," he said softly. "I've been waiting for you to ask."

Now it was my turn to suffer from _rigor mortis _like symptoms. The intensity of it all just froze my muscles, and when his hand moved, flattening out on my stomach, I groaned. "God, Duo-"

I could feel my heart throbbing in my stomach.

"Do you like it?" he whispered.

I curled into him and then stretched my limbs around and through his in answer. My traitorous body was begging for more, but I couldn't get my lips to move, to tell him I wanted him to continue.

He stopped his ministrations abruptly. "Shit, don't worry 'bout it. Settle down, 'Ro, now sleeeep..."

But I didn't want to sleep this time!

Still, all he did was hold me close and make no further sexual overtures. Taking that hard, high road. That's where things remained for the few weeks of the work season remaining to us.

He certainly had no problem avoiding contact with me after that. I did manage to get a lot of writing done in the evenings. My laptop kept my mind off Duo, a little, and it allowed me to retain some semblance of normalcy. We retained our friendship, but the special closeness which he'd shared with me was gone.

**(o) Trowa's POV**

One winter break from my classes, Quatre flew to Sanc, visiting me, for the entire four weeks. I had acquired an SUV since the last time we'd talked, especially for taking him places. I collected him and his bags at the shuttle port.

"Where are we going?" he asked after running through all the small talk. We were leaving the station.

"A real vacation in the mountains. How does that sound?"

"Yummy! Does it come with food?"

"Yeah. Now sit back and enjoy the tour."

I drove through Sanc, pointing out the palace and other places he'd visited in the past, before turning onto the highway out of town.

"Pretty. I've missed earth and all its green," he said. "The quiet."

We were passing pastureland and fields spotted with sheep, which he adored, naturally.

Dinner was a hamburger, fries and shake at a roadside stand. It was very good and not at all what I'd been expecting for a first real dinner date with Quatre.

"He's an uncommon commoner." It was Zechs, Milliardo, who once said that about him. It was true then as ever will be, and he hadn't even known the half of it.

We reached a small mountain town near sunset. Snow blanketed the landscape, although the road had been cleared recently. He was enchanted by the sight.

"We should find a place to stay here," he commented with a yawn accompaniment. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You've been traveling- for days probably."

I thought the rustic hotel looked appealing and so did he. I entered at his heels and stood at the counter by his side.

"Two rooms, please," he told the proprietor, in case the man imagined otherwise.

"Of course."

He took one key and I the other, a heavy old-fashioned thing that looked as if it went to the lock of a pirate's treasure chest.

"Quaint," he remarked. "Isn't it?"

I looked at the stairs, worn wood ascending steeply. "Fitting, I suppose." I hefted my bag and climbed up the stairway.

"It's been a long day," he said. "I thought I'd shower and go to bed. Good night, Trowa."

"Good night." I tamped down my disappointment. Not every opportunity was going to include a little sex, it seemed. I was going to learn how to master myself, if I wanted to continue dating Quatre; however, I didn't think I'd ever be able to get used to it.

I entered my room. It was rustically nice. I showered and lay in bed, unable to sleep. I was wired from head to toe. Thinking that a little Q time would help, I drew on my kimono, a gift from Heero from his trip to Japan, and went next door.

I knocked on Quatre's door.

I waited and knocked again, eventually hearing footsteps. The door opened.

"Is there a problem?" he asked, sounding faintly amused.

"Ah… no, not with the room. I just can't sleep."

"I was doing all right."

"Sorry," I muttered and turned to go back. What had I done with my room key? I patted my kimono pockets, my pajama bottoms—_no key! Damn!_

I trotted downstairs and buzzed the office. I buzzed repeatedly until I noticed a note taped to the counter: "Find me at the lodge shindig or ring the sheriff in an emergency—Al."

Well, I wasn't going out into the night in my pajamas to run down "Al" for a spare key, and I didn't think the sheriff would consider my plight to be of emergency status. I dashed back to Quat's door and rapped again. It opened quicker this time.

"Yes?" he asked, looking a little tousled. "I'm having my own difficulties getting to sleep now."

"I-I locked myself out."

"The attendant downstairs probably can lend you a spare."

"You'd think so. He's not in. Just, move aside and let me in. I can sleep on the floor, if necessary." I hoped the floor would not be compulsory.

He brushed a thumb lightly over my lower lip, and then was gone. That simple gesture sent tingles all through me. I stood in the hall, watching him until he disappeared into his room, leaving the door ajar—an invitation.

"I'll just need a blanket, if you have one to spare."

My eyes sought out the silvery shimmer of his hair in the dark. He lay on the narrow bed.

"If you find one, it is yours." The man's voice sounded tired.

"I'm sorry to bother you this way." I _really_ was.

"Don't worry. It's not you. I pulled my shoulder the other day practicing with my sword. Stupid thing to do."

"I can help with that," I said quickly. Healing massages were a specialty of mine. The circus trainer was the best teacher.

Quatre was putty in my hands- wonderful; that is, if I had wanted putty.

"How's that? Yeah, the muscles were so tight, tense. You should be able to sleep better now." I slapped his nice shoulder.

When he turned to look at me, his eyes smoldered in the dim light reflected off the snow outside. "Trowa..." his hands gripped my arms.

He burned a kiss onto my lips I would never forget. I would be branded for life now, I feared. I fell backwards onto a high pile of down pillows with him in my arms. I was thinking about making some clumsy move, when I felt an invasive hand smooth up my chest. His torso stiffened slightly. I opened my eyes, wondering what was next, when he smiled knowingly, like a minx.

"Hey!" I shouted and batted away at his hand just to keep things light and fun and to tease him a little. "Just because I gave you a massage is no reason to get all...What's that?"

"Ah, ha!" he chuckled and pulled his hand out of my left breast pajama pocket. He held up a glittering object. _My room key_.

"Oh!" _How could I have forgotten where I'd put that?!_

He had a good laugh over it, saying he knew I hadn't done it on purpose. Still, he kicked me out, after a nice kiss, to sleep in my own bed, _like a dejected puppy._

And, yes, that description came via Quatre's thought processes.

_Ruff! _And that sounded exactly like a sarcastic _"_Rough_."_

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**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**Braid**

Chapter Two

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**(o) Heero's POV**

Winter in the mountains, where Duo and I were working, brought snow. Holiday celebrations and the weather consorted to put a halt to all field and construction work. It was too cold for us in that tiny cabin—as good as an excuse as any—so we closed up and moved into town.

For reasons unclear to me, Duo decided to start a few classes at the university. He knew that had been _my_ plan, so he probably just followed suit for lack of anything better to do. Trowa had already put in some university time, which may have contributed to Duo's decision as well. He didn't really say.

I wanted an engineering degree. Outdoor work was fine, while I was young, but I knew I could do better.

Duo probably thought he could, too. I mean, he could do better for himself than manual labor, if he wanted it enough.

"Computer shit is right up my alley and there's a job at the end of it," he reasoned, ever practical.

"You don't have to convince me," I told him. "The engineering program allows for computer classes as well."

"Oh, yeah? So, we might have a class together, you think?"

"Maybe." I doubted it, though.

We both began as late-starts in winter. The conservation work would be waiting for us in summer, if we still wanted it.

By mutual agreement, we chose to live separately. I knew that in order to think straight I couldn't have Duo residing with me. I had found it hard enough to concentrate with him around and that was when I had nothing important to think about. I couldn't risk failing classes due to him and his distractibility.

What I didn't get was what was going on inside Duo's head. Had I asked, he wouldn't have told me or even been able to understand it himself, I assumed, or I would have asked.

We had evolved back to being "good friends".

This was just as well. I decided that he probably had been looking for some sexual relief and experimentation and hadn't been interested in me as a boyfriend, after all, and I wasn't going to push it. It was for the best. It really was, and I knew it.

_Probably_ it was for the best, but I had this nasty feeling to cope with and I didn't like it one bit. I couldn't understand why I didn't feel satisfied with my not-so-well thought-out decision not to explore my attraction to Duo. What was it that I wanted, beyond the obvious sexual release my body craved? I was about to be consumed by self-doubt, if I wasn't careful.

I knew that I treasured our friendship and didn't want to spoil it just to mess around. Sex and Duo—what a super-nova of distractions that would be! Confusing, disturbing, and bewitching, er, bewildering—he was all those things already without the added sexual component!

I'd run into Trowa Barton a few times on campus and renewed our casual friendship. He suggested getting sex off the table just might help, so I decided that I needed to pursue someone else to gain some experience, that maybe Duo wasn't suitable for fumbling research.

Finding someone for a one night stand was not easy for me. I had little free time to devote to "hooking up." I visited a few bars, which I hated, and coffee shops, which would have been fine if I were trying to pick up women.

A bit of Duo, total confusion, course work, and failed social development best described my life. _ Sadly, this would last forever, if I didn't take action.  
_

**(o) Quatre's POV **

Trowa and I almost slept together in that mountain hideaway, but something stopped us, most likely me. I was terrified of homosexual encounters at the time. Of being caught. Of what others would say. Of how it would effect my position in the corporate world. Of liking it, even! All kinds of important and unimportant fears.

Trowa was wonderfully understanding. I don't know what I'd done to deserve a patient man like him for a boyfriend. I was thrilled for him. He'd chosen to aim high and go to college. I took a class or two as needed, but for the most part I learned by doing in the family business.

Every break in classes he had, I made it my number one priority to take off from work and travel with him, or, if I had pressing work to do, he'd join me and visit corporate plants and companies. On those occasions, we'd be invited to dinner parties and I'd arrange "dates" for us- women dates. The dancing was nice, but I could tell he only tolerated the setups for my benefit, so I tried to limit them as much as possible.

After traveling and attending dinner parties under those conditions _for what amounted to several years_, I became weary of it all. He must have loved me very, very much to abide by my wishes and put up with every restriction I inflicted on him. Well, I knew he did. I won't describe those years—so humdrum—because it's more exciting to write about when that changed for us. I had been thinking about changing our arrangement since we'd started it. I wanted him, and I could feel (Oh! How I could feel!) that he wanted me!

So, after persevering through a particularly lengthy travel spree, we arrived at our hotel in Cologne, the last on our agenda. I had decided I was a grown man and it was time to live my life to the fullest. No more pretending. Trowa, I knew, would be relieved and pleased.

"You want me to call and arrange the dates this time?" he asked, tolerant and accommodating as always.

"Don't bother, Trowa," I stammered nervously. _Me! Nervous!_ I redoubled my efforts to put into words what I was feeling. "We can go together. Just you and me. We do make a damned fine-looking couple." That sounded cool and collected- and indomitable, too.

"Okay," he agreed. He sounded calm, but I could feel his elation and see the pride in the set of his shoulders. Shoulders… yum.

That was the moment we dropped the facade. We cared for one another, we were attracted to one another, and we didn't need any others to interfere with our good times. His eyes searched mine for confirmation of what he hoped I had meant and that I was on the level.

"Just for tonight?" he asked, probing.

"I think I'm done with the miss-matchmaking. I just want...what I want." That pleased him. And shocked him. I was reading him, whether I wanted to or not, he was broadcasting his feelings on a wide bandwidth, loud and clear. His eyes widened and he stepped back.

"Quatre...this is dangerous. You know what I want and I can't give you all you need. It could cost us our friendship."

I had him backed to the wall. "I don't want to analyze this," I told him as I moved so close I could feel the heat radiating from him. I pinned him to the wall with a hand to his chest. "I want to enjoy it." I could feel his heartbeat. It was racing. It meant "I want you."

I swear, he gulped. I was being aggressive, and knew he desired me; he was at a distinct disadvantage.

I jerked out his shirttails from his pants, and he gasped.

"Quatre!" escaped his lips.

"You've been in this long enough for one day," I told him and unbuttoned the shirt, beginning at the hemline. "Hmm...nice skin."

"Yesss," he hissed in a quick intake of air, his teeth bared.

I watched as his eyes closed; my fingers slid over his smooth, hairless chest, down a lean side, around to his muscled back, back around his side, and over his firm belly. He grinned and flinched, "Tickles..."

That gave me an idea. Pausing in my tactile stimulation of his belly, my hands were free to massage his shoulders a moment before I shoved the shirt off. Down his back, along his arms it slid, catching at the wrists where the cuffs remained clasped. His arms were behind his back.

"You forgot the cufflinks," he smiled.

But his smile faded as mine grew, and I whispered slyly, "Did I?" Then I started tickling him in earnest.

I only had him trapped momentarily. He twisted away amid soft chuckles and tore the shirt off.

"Now, it is _my_ turn," he smiled and his eyes narrowed dangerously.

I couldn't believe how quickly he had moved! "Oh!" I cried out, surprised. I couldn't hold on to him; he was slippery like a fish.

Now it was I who was wrapped in his strong grasp. Again, we studied one another's eyes.

"Quatre, I _know_ you know what you are doing, but," his eyes opened wider, dark and mysterious in the low bedroom light, "do you know what you are doing...to me?"

I had a damned good idea. His breathing was ragged, his eyes luminous, and his smile tense. He wanted me bad.

I nodded.

He swallowed.

"What will you have me do?" He was asking, but his fingers were slowly lowering the zipper on my slacks. "I can stop at any time."

"Can you?" My voice was weak as his face nuzzled my hair, finding my ear.

His warm breath teased along the outer edge of my ear and down my neck where my hair had parted and exposed it to his lips. "Yesssss, I can, no matter what."

"You mean," I paused, distracted when I felt him trailing wet kisses along my neck and shoulder as he began to peal my shirt away. "If I ask, you'll stop...anytime?"

His face raised and our eyes met in the middle, then dove past my reserve. I felt as if he could see my innermost thoughts, if he couldn't actually read them, like I could his.

"Of course, but-" His hands moved and my slacks were affixed together again. "I don't believe we are going to make it to that party tonight, do you?"

I shook my head to the negative.

"No? Then we have no reason to rush anything. Okay, then here's my idea." He leaned in and pressed our foreheads together. "You, go back to your room, take a shower, change into something casual, and then come back. In fact, here's my room key in case I take longer to shower than you."

I wasn't sure that he wasn't just trying to get rid of me, so I asked, "What about dinner then?"

"I will take care of that, too. Hey, don't look like that! God, Quatre. I'm not pushing you away here, just slowing us down- _me_ down." His hands squeezed my shoulders and he smiled so kindly, I had to nod. "I'll make it fun, I promise, okay? You'll come back, right?"

"Half an hour," I clipped off as I attempted to mask my nerves and grabbed his keys out of his hand. "Be ready."

My heart was pounding. _My God!_ _I just propositioned my friend!_ I felt a little light-headed, but I had no regrets whatsoever. The man had to know how to have fun, and I had a lot of catching up to do.

I tossed the dress clothes aside and rushed through a shower, lingering only to make sure my hair was well-rinsed and my face shaved smooth.

_What to wear...?_

I wished then that I had packed a sexy pair of silk boxers. The cotton ones were clean, though, so I put them on, covered them with my overcoat, and rubbed at my damp hair with a dry towel and stood thinking. I jammed my keys _and_ his keys and a toothbrush into the pockets and left, avoiding a parting glance into the mirror. I looked about as sexy as a well-worn slipper, I was certain of that.

"Trowa?"

"I'll be right out. Oh, there's a twenty on the desk in case room service comes."

"Room-?" I was interrupted by a knock on the door. "Oh, it's here!"

A young man rolled in a cart of covered dishes and chilling bottle of wine. "Good evening," we greeted each other. I watched while he snapped a clean white tablecloth over the small table by the window, then set out the food, leaving the lids, and lit a candle. "Shall I open the wine?"

"Yes, please." I said, then handed him the crisp bill and he left.

Trowa emerged drying his hair. "Oh, good. It's here already. I thought we should fortify ourselves first. Why don't you take off your coat and stay awhile?" he grinned.

He took my coat and hung it up after I removed my things from the pockets. I could see him looking over the items, especially the toothbrush, and I blushed. _Me, blushing, already_!

He said nothing, but pointed to a chair. "Shall we eat?"

"Yes, thank you." I combed my fingers through my damp bangs, pushing them off to the side, and took the seat he had pulled out for me.

He poured a small amount of wine and held up his glass in salute. "To us; two good friends about to become closer."

I know I blushed again. "Trowa!"

"Well, I _hope_ so!" he chuckled.

"Me, too," I admitted and took a sip.

"Oh, before I forget everything I was planning to tell you before you started removing my clothes and distracting me," he said, "I sent Heero a notice that we will be back for his graduation next week. _Just_ to keep you informed," he smiled more, and then served me some of the salad.

More blood rushed to my already scarlet face. I was burning up and pretty damn sick of my out-of-control blushing response. "Thanks for remembering."

We ate the simple meal of a salad with bread and baked brie. I sliced a pear and apple to share for dessert. Then we were done. He was resting his head in his hand and gazing unabashedly at me. I thought he looked adorable.

"What?" I asked.

"I wouldn't have believed that you could be any more beautiful than before, but sitting there, your hair... just shining, clean, un-gelled, like when we were kids, and smiling. You are like a dream come true, Quat."

His hushed tone and worshipful expression convinced me that he was sincere. I didn't need to read his emotions at all. I chuckled a little and admonished him, "You are the only man I know who can pull off such corny things to say."

"Comes with the circus nonsense, I guess."

From that instant on that night, he made it clear that I was at the center of his universe. He had a nifty little- and horribly expensive- Beolit Portable, which I'd gifted him, and started some soft music. He took me in his arms and we danced– slow and romantic. He whispered sweet things and made me smile, warmed my heart, and healed my ego damaged by years and years of denial.

I was falling in love for real and there was no stopping it.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked.

"Me? Yes, of course! I mean, it's just that you never asked before."

"No, I guess not," he managed to say before kissing me gently. "It's different now, though. I want you to be an equal participant all the way with this. Start to finish, stop-go, yes-no, give and take."

I didn't know what to say. I never imagined being with Trowa this way, that he could be this way. He was completely open, vulnerable, real. He was _real_.

"Kiss me again," I begged.

We stood by the window and kissed lightly, nose-to-nose. It was the only time I'd notice he was taller than me. He was well-built, but slender, his face still youthful. Expressive green eyes closed with long, dark lashes feathering his high cheekbones. His silky, soft bangs brushed at my cheeks and along my arms, which wrapped around his neck. I wanted to feel it tickle more of my bare skin.

I felt his knees bend and one arm slide beneath my knees, as he scooped me up and carried me across the room. How strong he was!

We stretched out on his wide bed and found our way to each other's mouth and kissed deeply. "I could do this all night," he said in a low voice.

"Okay," I agreed.

"You mean that? You want this?"

"This is nice; you feel good," I assured him.

He rolled on one side and smiled down at me lying on my back. He fingered my hair. "Like the finest silk. I always wanted to touch it, but I was afraid you'd think I was some kind of pervert."

That made me laugh, "Well, I hate to think what that makes me with all my fantasizing over yours."

That made him grin. His eyes winked out.

"You are a very handsome man, Trowa." I poked the end of his nose to make his eyes open again.

He groaned and covered his face with a pillow. "God, Quatre...what difference does it make?"

"I am an honest person."

He chuckled.

I noticed that with his arms up, his bellybutton was exposed. I wondered what he'd do if I kissed him there. As I dropped closer, I could see a fine line of hair brown against his light skin, darker than that on his head, disappear into his silk pants.

"Quat, love?" came his muffled voice. "You're being very quiet... AH!"

That was where I ran my tongue, ending with a kiss to his bellybutton.

"You are a seducer." He went limp when I stopped.

"You liked that? I thought I was making you tell me stuff."

"Torture me more with your lips," he begged, grinning.

We hugged and rolled back and forth and laughed. We were happy and the air felt taut, tightening with the anticipation between us.

"Why don't we brush our teeth now, just in case we fall asleep, okay?" he asked.

I nodded and sat up. I was new at all this. "Me first?"

He smiled and nodded. "I'll wait."

We took turns, and then when he returned to the bed, he pulled back the covers and paused expectantly.

I wasn't sure what he meant, so I just lay there.

"Do you want to go back to your room? You can if you want, Quatre. Or move over."

"Ah, no. I wasn't sure what to do, that's all." I'd become insecure about everything I thought we were about to do.

He moved in beside me and pulled the covers over us both. "Ummm, nice."

His arms encircled me and we adjusted to one another's curves, and I felt the tension bleed out of me.

"Let's just say good night and sleep like this, okay?" he asked.

That surprised me at first. Actually, it sounded wonderful, but not what I had come to expect from him. I wondered if he actually could read my feelings like I could his? "Okay."

He turned my face to look at him. "Quatre, is sex all you want from me?"

I swallowed. _That was direct_. "No."

"Good, because it's not going to happen tonight. Not until you...we... are ready. Really ready. I want to show you how I've come to feel about you, but first we need to get used to being this close. Just touching you is...too much for me."

I wanted to know what he meant by that. "Too much?"

He smiled. "Yes."

"Nonsense. I'm just a bit overwhelmed by you. I'll better in no time."

"What a romantic you are," he chuckled.

I wanted to hear more. I loved the sound of his voice. I didn't want this closeness to end. "You know, I'm not romantic by nature, but I am trying here."

"Oh, I noticed, can't you tell?"

I could feel his interest press up against my thigh and then pull away.

"You are very exciting," he said. "But we have time to get used to being intimate."

I didn't want to resist his charm and tender kisses. He wanted me; I knew it, even though he was willing to wait. He fondled me gently and wrapped me in strength. I wanted more at the same time I was glad he wasn't expecting more. I had become muddle-brained, but I felt immensely happy.

"Now that I've taken all the fight out of you, it's time to pounce," he whispered with a chuckle at the end. "No, actually, I'm ready to sleep. So don't move. Just let me listen to you breathe."

I could have asked for more, but found that I was so warm and comfortable and...tired, mentally and physically- tired from the hard day and emotional turmoil we had gone through-that I just closed my eyes.

"Umm, 'kay."

He curled around my back with an arm draped over me. I was at peace. I knew I'd met the real Trowa and reveled in the feeling that I really adored him and that he held me until I fell asleep.

I didn't sleep especially well.

I awoke numerous times only to feel a strange limb heavy across a leg or an arm wrapped possessively about my waist. I wasn't used to sharing a bed with a man, not a little brother as a child, and rarely even with one of the other pilots on a mission. Lying there, though, was not a bad thing; it was really reassuring to have him there, it simply was something that would take getting used to.

When I woke up the last time, it was to the sound of his voice muted at a distance. He was standing in front of the window, wearing his kimono open loosely over his pajama bottoms, speaking into his cell phone with a smile. It had to be a friend he was talking to.

I loved just watching him, how he moved. So self-assured. I _so_ wanted to appear as carefree as Trowa did, and often tried to copy his sly smile, but, when I was honest with myself, I would have to admit that it was his often dubious conduct that I really wished I dared adopt. I know he slept around, had fun with other men, the kind of behavior I could never, ever engage in. I could never be the "bad boy". But I thought about it.

"Who?" I wondered aloud.

"Heero," he mouthed.

I attempted to put on that knowing, cool smile he'd just shot my way. I did my best and he chuckled.

"Say, hi!" I sent to his mind.

**(o) Heero's POV**

I completed three years of study and entered the graduate engineering program early. Whether or not this was an achievement worth noting, I use it here to mark time. Duo, meanwhile, ground his way through the computer major, taking internships, and visiting Howard in space to "change things up a bit".

Totally by accident one day, I ran into Milliardo Peacecraft at the campus bookstore. He was "back in town, dabbling in a few graduate level philosophy classes and cruising the avenue." I was "combing the shelves for used versions of my required text books."

In no way were we friends, Mill and I. We'd both been soldiers in the past and had some level of mutual respect for each other, but we'd fought on opposite sides for different reasons and different goals. Still, here we were and he seemed genuinely happy to see me. He invited me to dinner and I told him I had food at home to eat, which must have stunned him to think I cooked, so we ended up there.

We caught up on life while I prepared stir-fry with rice.

He had no qualms bringing me up to date on what he'd been doing since the war. "For the safety of earth," he chuckled without humor, "I agreed to take a job on Mars. I'm sure you heard about that sojourn?"

"I know Noin accompanied you, and then I'd heard she'd joined Preventers back on earth."

"Yes, well, Mars never materialized. Lucrezia and I had a monumental fight on the eve of the first day out. The flight landed, prematurely, on L1, where I was held with others of the captured White Fang gang for several years."

I did recall something about a trial.

"Oh, no, I was held _without trial_. That important fact was grounds enough to get me released."

He scrubbed his face and looked up at me, smiling. His last five or so years had taken a toll. While I'd been finding myself as a college student, he'd been jailed and partying afterward. He'd lost the holier-than-thou attitude and the delicate refinement of an aristocratic lay-about.

"The Pro-monarchy powers in Sanc— led, not surprisingly, by my sister, Relena- applied pressure and, without doubt a regal payoff to the L1 colonial crooks. Whatever it all entailed, L1 authorities gleefully handed me over and my homeland generously granted asylum to their lost child, Milliardo Peacecraft." His smiled turned apologetic when he said that. "That all led to amnesty and my eventual freedom to be re-instated as an agent for the Preventers."

"Don't forget becoming the notorious playboy you'd always strived for. Apparently."

He laughed aloud at my comment. "So, you do follow the scandal sheets! Not something I would have expected of Heero Yuy, earth's savior."

So we both got in some digs, but all-in-all the meal and the company proved surprisingly pleasant. Nice enough that we planned to meet again later in the week. When that lunch proved agreeable, we continued, off and on, to get together for lunch or dinner occasionally. He was never up in time for breakfast, he told me.

To be clear, these were friendly meetings, not romantic liaisons. At the outset.

* * *

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**Braid**

Chapter Three

* * *

**(o) Heero's POV**

Milliardo wasn't ashamed of his reputation as a philanderer with men and women, nor did he boast of his conquests to me. Although I found him attractive, I wasn't drawn to him like I had been to Duo. I wasn't fooling myself. If he'd suggested sex, I would have taken him up on it, probably, but he didn't, hadn't yet, so that was a moot point. He didn't flirt with me- not seriously, not that I could read. Despite that, and the fact that befriending him wasn't getting me closer to my "one night stand" goal, we formed a friendship free of the animosity and competitiveness of the past.

A month or so after that first meeting in the bookstore, he invited me to a house of his in town, "something for when I'm in Sanc." It was near to the university and ordinary in size and appearance. It certainly wasn't a princely palace.

We talked, running out of safe political topics and moving on to college activities. We carefully avoided subjects touching on the war, our prickly pasts. Eventually we were left with discussing our personal lives.

I'd just had a run in with Duo that week, the kind where he touched my arm and it was like an electrical shock that shot to the starting bell that sent my heart to galloping away, but then he had to dash in some other direction to his next appointment, and I couldn't move because my feet were frozen in place. As usual, he left me with my head spinning, heart racing—going every which way at once in a semblance of chaos in action.

Just thinking about the turmoil going on inside left me a little wild-eyed.

"Heero, I can see your mind is not on us or _me_ at any rate this evening," Milliardo said.

"It'sssssss... my fault," I exhaled slowly as I said it, admitting it out loud. I went to his kitchen and found us both a bottle of beer. Local brew. Good stuff. I popped the caps and returned to the living room.

"Okay," he said slowly. He took the bottle I offered. "I'm not certain what your problem is, but I'm smart enough to figure it out." He smiled knowingly. "Want to talk about _him?_ It must be that Maxwell character who's got you churning."

I sank onto the couch again, with him leaning on the arm. "I invented him into something in my head. Something he isn't interested in being and I'm not even sure I want. I'm not ready for, anyway."

"That's vague enough." Milliardo nodded, accepting he'd been right, and that I was, indeed, talking about Duo. "Did he tell you he loved you?"

"That's not the point. That's a word." I sighed, squeezing my eyes tight, admiring the red glow behind my eyelids and avoiding his eloquent stare. "In his own subtle ways, maybe."

"Do you want him to love you?"

"I can't tell _what I_ want, separate from him. When he's around me I just lose my mind and shut down."

"The 'L' word is a complicating factor."

"Hn. It's only the tip of the iceberg."

"You're fighting the entire Arctic circle? You did like the cold for fighting, didn't you?" He smiled and shook his head when I glared at him in answer. His comments referenced a ridiculous sword fight of ours near the Antarctic base. "Let's see if I can guess what lies under your troubled waters, then?" Milliardo had the most smarmy, superior, smirk I'd ever seen. He was unstoppable at this point. "He wants you to 'hang with', but he doesn't want a constant, dependent, steady, one single-choice boyfriend? No? Yes? All right… Either that or he wants you to be faithful to him, but not the other way around. He seems the sort that needs to remain unattached. Yes, that's more like it- you can see what he's like. You _know____—double standard_. I know; I used to want that, too."

"I'm not so sure anymore what it is I want." The moment I said it I felt unsure if it was really true or not. As it was, Milliardo was part right and much wrong about Duo. I opened my eyes and studied the man for a moment, drank from the bottle.

"Of course you don't know what you want. You're young." He shrugged, squinting at a loose hangnail. "He's attractive, I grant you that, but to tell the truth, I'm not crazy about Duo."

I snorted at his conceit.

"I've had people fall in love with me, Heero. It's not great. You know, they love you, but you feel… oh, not ___nothing_, but not ___**that**_."

"I never ___told_ him I loved him!" I raised my voice defensively. "I'm not really sure I do...exactly...I mean..." ___Oh what's the use? _I sighed. "He's avoiding me now, because he's scared. I scared him off, I think. You're not scared." I put that out hoping I had figured them both correctly.

Milliardo laughed. "I get scared, _petrified_ that I'm going do to someone what Duo's done to you."

"He hasn't done anything. That's most of the problem. The remainder of the problem rests with me, the way I am."

He shook his head. "Your problem is a faulty reading of other people's intentions."

I wondered if this included him, but he had already moved the topic forward. I dropped whatever I was going to ask him to listen, instead.

"I'm observant, but when someone wants to be closer to you, they'll show you whatever cool front they can. That can be deceptive, but knowing that you can be prepared. It's your turn to show how you feel next if you're interested."

"I can't even talk to him sometimes!"

"It makes you feel vulnerable. It does me. I hate that."

"Why is it such a big deal?" _Oh, come on; I knew the answer to that! _ "Why don't you want more, Milliardo?"

"Oh, I may want more, but I don't have confidence in in monogamy in general."

"Right. But, do you believe in love?"

"I love a lot of people, but not like you mean. I don't agree with it. It makes you crazy."

___Got that straight. __"But____ s_ometimes it's good."

"I suppose it is, and as I said, I might be ready for a change. I never felt it like you do, Heero."

"___**If **_I do, you mean." I thought about it a moment then asked him, "Really?"

"Hmm?"

"You never liked anyone special?"

"Liked... not ___**loved**_... thought they were hot... but never **__****in**___ love_."

"Never?" I sat up. I'd been on the floor not on the couch, where he'd slumped gracefully. I rose my knees, staring at him.

"No, never."

"What would you do? If- if someone truly fell in love with the ___real_ you?"

"Say ******sorry**." He slid down onto the floor, and leaned his head up against the edge of the couch, his arms resting on his drawn-up knees. "Unless I felt something I've never felt before—true love. I'd break it off. Stop ...ah...sleeping with them...sex, you know."

"And if you recognized true love?

"I'd cherish that person and never let them go." That sounded dream-like, coming from him. He shook off the strange mood and added, "But what I do has nothing to do with you and Duo."

"I just want to stop thinking about him." I sighed. "I'm so tired. It almost makes me sick now."

"Relax. Think about something else."

"Sometimes if I can sleep it's okay."

"You are finding it hard to sleep?"

"I don't sleep well, haven't since the war." I didn't want to tell him I only slept when I hugged a Duo plushie from a toymaker friend of Hilde's. I felt lame enough about keeping a Duo plushie to sleep with, without telling perfect, indestructible Milliardo.

"Is it worse living alone? You can crash here, you know that."

I shook my head as I alternated between being tempted and disinterested. Settling on neutrally indecisive, I said, "Don't want to bother you." _Or be obliged._

"You aren't a problem." He ruffled my hair and whispered, "Stay if you want."

I was used to taking care of myself and didn't want to start relying on someone else too much, making a pain of myself. I wasn't a child; I never really was. I was supposed to be an adult and able to get past the low points of my life, right?

Reading my mind, or at least guessing at my hesitancy, he said, "Everyone leans on someone when they need to. Relax, we got the place to ourselves."

"Okay." Since he was getting up, I got to my feet, too.

"Okay. Good. That's settled then. I'll be in my room should you need anything." Milliardo paused for a second before giving me a hug, his arms folding around my neck. It was one of those hugs that lasted a bit longer than necessary, and then he backed up, looking for some kind of reaction from me, and when he didn't see one, he turned around to walk out.

I felt like shit.

He returned momentarily to dump a pillow and pile of incredibly soft blankets on the couch. "Sweet dreams," he wished me and was gone.

The next morning I called Wufei and convinced him to meet me at the coffee shop later. I made a promise to introduce him to someone. I didn't tell him it would be Milliardo. And I didn't tell him it would be to someone he'd already met, but hadn't seen in a long time. For some reason I knew those two would be good for one another, but if pre-warned as to the mystery-man's identity, Wufei would not agree to the meeting. That was my guess.

**(o) Wufei's POV **

"Apply Duo's test then, if you're not sure," Heero dared me. He was my closest friend and fellow teaching assistant drudge at the university.

I knew I was gay—I was sure; I just didn't want to advertise it or do anything about it. However, I was curious about our friend's test. "I'll regret this, but—what test is that?"

Heero smiled that new irritating smile he'd developed. I think he was trying it out on me to see if it would fit. Unfortunately, for me trying to ignore how it affected me, it made him sexier than hell, not that I'd tell him that.

"You're in a mall," he began.

"Unlikely, but go on."

"Someone says to you 'check out that hot bod.'"

"Even less likely."

"Do you examine the girl and hope the buttons on her blouse come undone, or—"

"Never! I'd never think that."

"Or, do you look over the guy and wonder what's in his pants?"

I blushed deeply, trapped.

"That's the question." He stared at me boldly with a new-fangled confidence he'd pulled from I-had-no-idea-where these days.

I couldn't out-glare Heero, but I could out cold-shoulder him like nobody's business.

"Wufei, c'mon, just let me introduce you to someone; actually, it's someone you know tangentially."

"That's sounds like some distortion of space logic Maxwell would come up with." I knew the two of them had been "hanging out" together off and on. I'd been privy to Heero's side of the story while they'd had several highly charged falling "ins" and terribly painful falling "outs" since the war, but that they had seen, possibly, less and less of each other lately. His repeated use of Duo's name was a clear indicator that their on-again-off-again _friendship_ was back "on". But how that information helped me understand why he wanted to introduce me around where introductions were not needed, I didn't know.

"How do I know… this person?"

That, of course was exactly what he wanted me to ask, so I kept feeding him fresh material to experiment with. He'd be a normal boy eventually.

"That would be giving everything away. Just say 'yes'."

"Yes." Well, it made my friend happy to think he was doing something nice for me, and it couldn't hurt, much, to see someone from my past, hopefully. "Do I need to be armed for this… encounter?" I asked, half joking.

"Wear your most charming smile," he _actually_ said to me. He shook his head, probably at my irritated expression, and turned away, chuckling.

_This is the treatment he reserves for his best friend! _

We parted with a place and time to meet up again, which turned out to be the very next day.

My _dear_ friend decided to try out his recently acquired sarcasm on me, and don't ask me from whom it was he picked it up. "Now here he comes," Heero said with a nod in the direction of the handsome man targeting us with his eyes. "Pretend you're pleased to see him and would like to become friends, if you would, please."

"Honestly, Heero, you can be so—" I took one more look, a careful one, at the man and choked back what I'd about to say and instead said, "You can go now."

I may have given him a little push to get him started, for directional purposes, and then I totally forgot Heero was standing beside me. My focus had contracted to encompass Milliardo Peacecraft, and no one else.

_Like __**me**__, for the sake of my honored ancestors! _I mentally screamed, demanding the man feel our connection like I did.

I sucked in my own drool. Heero of the Thick Head hadn't taken my hint and left; he was saying something inanely introductory and unnecessary. I subdued the intense urge to kick him out of the way, which he must have sensed (finally!) and then he squeezed my arm and disappeared.

It was just me and Mill. A noble wind blew wisps of his silvery hair, stormy grey eyes locked onto mine, and he smiled- teeth perfectly white and aligned, like a curl of pristine surf.

I was suddenly overcome with the incredible urge to pull his face to mine and kiss those delicious lips of his. I was trying to fight it, to forget it, but it was just sooo strong. I attempted to rationalize it all out in my mind. I tried to pretend that Mr. Tall-Blonde-and-Talented here was just reminding me of some other guy I once fancied. But it didn't work. I wanted him, I couldn't stop wanting him. I couldn't stop staring, I couldn't stop thinking, and I couldn't stop wishing I was someone else, _anyone_ else. I wanted to hold his hunky body against mine, so muscled and smooth, and feel the beating of his heart as his body heat mixed with mine. Gods, I wanted him so bad I could _taste_ it. But then I remembered who I was and who he was, and it dawned on me that these feelings were just a waste of my time.

_What was that?_ _The man just said something to me and I am daydreaming! _"Pardon?" I asked, marshaling all my politeness into a single word.

Milliardo leaned over, his lips so close to my ear I could feel his warm breath. He looked me right in the eye, his stormy grey-blues piercing straight through to my soul, causing me to get extremely uncomfortable.

_Save me ancestors, but he is hot_!

He seemed to get more attractive by the second, and he was actually turning me on. The mental images of him and me together got worse, and I pictured us kissing, rolling around on the bed, moaning softly and touching each other as we indulged in our young hunger. Lucky for me this lust-thing hadn't struck me before I got my doctorate, or worse, when I was manning a multi-ton killing machine during the war! I never would have been able to concentrate and get any work done, or avoided getting skewered by Treize or having my head knocked off by some more attentive enemy fighter.

I sympathized with all my friends so encumbered and still able to survive.

From the depths of my proper upbringing, somewhere buried beneath my better judgment, came a thought, which turned into words tumbling from my lips, "Do you have time for tea or a coffee- or something?"

I knew him by his notorious past, both his war time extravaganzas and his post-war dalliances that made second page news every week, regardless of which part of the universe he had graced with his presence. I knew he was a scallywag of the worst sort, and yet, here I was. _Inviting him to tea_. I should have just turned tail and run when I had the chance. Maybe he would cut his losses and say "no". That would be… that would solve everything.

I would kill Heero for having started this all later, I promised myself, as if that would alter the outcome of my poor judgment now!

"Yes, I do," he said. His eyes searched mine for a split second—I couldn't not stare back and admire his perfect teeth when he smiled slightly- and said, "_Especially_ the something."

At the suggestive way he said that, my heart thumped. I blushed. I lost the feeling in my legs. I knew this wasn't just some crazy feeling or jittery sensation; it was _my_ crazy feeling and jittery sensation! _My, me, mine!_

I was _**IN LOVE **_!

Totally in love. Don't ask me how I knew, I just did. It felt so right. I was falling for his charms and his good looks and making him the object of my desires. I couldn't help it; he just had this exciting aura around him that seeped out of his every pore. He was beyond appealing, he was drop dead sexy gorgeous and- if only I had the words to tell him. If only I could be with him in the most intimate ways. _If only…!_

My heart hurt from the pounding it seemed bound and determined to do; my head hurt from my blood pressure, which had to be skyrocketing off the charts. I didn't know what to do. So I stood there like an absolute fool and stared.

"I haven't eaten today, so let's make it a bistro. Would that fit into your plans?" he asked.

_Oh...__**that**__ kind of something..._ My blush deepened as I understood how I had mistaken his tone for a come-on. _Ancestors, I am mortified. I will light one hundred candles if you totally ignore what I've done._

"Perfectly." It was all I could muster.

He knew where he was going and led me to a nice restaurant along the river. But of course he'd know; he'd been born in Sanc. He probably knew every nook and cranny of the place.

I sipped water and he ate the breadsticks, waiting for our meals to be served. I think he ordered for the both of us. I certainly couldn't remember having read the menu.

"This meeting is fortuitous," he said. "I'm not in Sanc often and I thought you had returned to L5."

"Oh. I study here. I'm working toward my doctorate. There is no L5 worth visiting. It was blown up." _And I'm totally incapable of speaking in anything but simple sentences._

"A return of the scholar? That's good. The need for warrior princes is limited these days."

"I never was a prince," I denied, but of course, _he_ had been, still was.

"Heir to your clan, then. Analogous story."

"I doubt it."

"Military boarding school when I turned eight, officer training, and then the war." Milliardo looked up from his napkin.

It wasn't a far cry from my own upbringing, as it turned out. "Studies, martial arts, and… then the war." Yeah, that summed up my life, to date.

"L5 was a Chinese colony," he pulled from who knows where.

_What was he asking?_ "Yes, my clan was… offered the opportunity to leave earth. We did."

"No other cultures there?"

"No. One hundred percent Chinese." _What was he getting at?_ "What?" I looked up from my hands to see him staring at me.

"Forgive me for staring "You don't look like the Chinese I usually see."

"I'm not Han. The Han people makeup the largest ethnic group in China on Earth. The many indigenous tribes the Han over-ran were portrayed as 'good singers and dancers.' It was insulting. My people rebelled and were offered the chance to leave earth, to rebuild on L5 with the promise of keeping our culture intact. It got us out of the way."

"What were you called?"

"It… doesn't matter. I'm all there is left of them."

"I'm so sorry—"

"I've learned to live with my losses."

"As have I."

That was right, he'd lost his parents and home in the war, and from his own behavior he'd become somewhat of a drifter.

"Your people were very attractive, if you are an example," Milliardo said smiling. "The women must have been spectacular."

I fought back my blush response with mixed results. My ear tips burned in the cool air. "Yes, very pretty, but also ferocious fighters. My wife was very strong for a girl."

"Your _wife_? You were only a boy when I first saw you. How could you have been married at so young an age?"

"In Sanc the term for our situation would have been 'engaged'. It was an arranged marriage." It was my turn to smile at his stunned expression. "She was the first choice to pilot the L5 Gundam, you know."

"No, I didn't."

Our plates had arrived. We ate with limited talking.

"No wine, thank you," I said, satisfied with water.

"Still denying yourself pleasure?"

That comment sent the heat to my face again and nearly caused me to choke on my mouthful.

He chuckled softly. "I have a confession."

I shook my head, not wanting to be privy to his dark secrets. I had enough of my own to occupy the Preventers' investigative teams for years.

"Heero mentioned your name, and decided I had to _try_."

_So his meeting has a purpose? It wasn't just for me to admire his hair and ogle his ass? How disappointing._

"And what I said before-?"

_What he was referencing now?_

"-It _was_ just as forward as it sounded. And, although I can't quite fathom your preferences, it had been my intention all along to see you again, after this. This is testing the water to see if I might get a favorable sign."

Whether or not the previous blush had withdrawn, I felt another wash over me. I guessed that my blush had given him the "all's go" signal. I couldn't control my response to his proximity, try as I did.

"I must say that learning you had a wife at one time threw me for a loop." He leaned over the table and whispered, "You are interested?"

"Me?"

"You, me, getting to know one another," he clarified so that even the befuddled-me I'd become could understand.

I turned my eyes back to the river view out the window. "I-I can't stay longer here. I have an appointment in a few minutes." I continued to examine the ducks that waddled back and forth alongside the narrow shoreline, while I got my voice under control. _Ancestors, I'll light two hundred candles if you help me out – at once! _But, determined as I was to reengage myself in the world, I couldn't force the "no" pass my lips.

"All right. That suits me as well. Another time, then."

_Oh! Well, three hundred candles, if you'll toss in forgiveness._ I felt courageous and looked up to meet that intense grey gaze. "I'd like that."

"Wonderful!" Milliardo said. He appeared to be very pleased with my acceptance. He left a few bills on the table and stood to go. "I'll text you."

I nodded absently. I may have nodded. My sharp wit was surely absent.

Milliardo smiled and took his leave.

**(o) Quatre POV **

When Trowa ended his cell call, he turned, and shifted gears to shower me with all his attention again. He told me Wufei and Milliardo were seeing each other and that Heero, who he'd been talking to, was communicating with some degree of success, not entirely positive, with Duo.

It meant a happy continuum in the universe-

- until it was time for me to depart Cologne for L4 again.

We both were aware how long it might be before we'd see each other. His medical school course load was due to ramp up and he'd soon be buried in studies. I'd have to make up everything I'd been putting off lately, and be inundated with loads of work. We both knew that this was short respite had been an important time together.

I wanted to mark it as such.

"As long as it is all right with you," I announced without ceremony or warning. "I'm going to announce that I am gay and have a boyfriend."

"Quatre," he whispered and pressed a finger to my eyebrow, tracing its shape.

"I'm sure, Trowa. Don't keep asking me! I'm ready, willing, and very, very able to be honest about us. What everyone else thinks does not matter to me."

"Okay, for now...we'll do it your way, but sometime it will matter." He smiled again and cupped my cheek, rubbing his calloused thumb across my lips. "When you change your mind, let me know first, okay?"

I nodded. His honesty knocked the air out of any smart comment I might have said, again. "I promise, but I don't see that coming."

"Lovers never do, Quatre, my heart," he said as he held me tightly to his chest.

It was an inauspicious way to end our lovely vacation together, and in the grey morning, the shuttle port was a desolate place to say goodbye.

* * *

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Braid**

Chapter Four

* * *

**(o) Heero's POV**

Duo was a distraction for me whether he was far or near. I imagined him around every turn. Heard his laugh, felt his hand on my shoulder, even smelled his hair shampoo on someone else passing me. We weren't dating, but he invaded my dreams and sparked my imagination as if he was a part of my life.

But he wasn't. I'd made sure of that. I'd been avoiding him in order to better concentrate on my studies. It hadn't gone so well.

_So what is wrong with me? _

The answer was clear: I missed Duo. I knew that with an unbendable certainty.

_Okay, then, know it all, fix the problem! _

I chose to remedy the situation immediately. Determined to re-connect with Duo in any way, I called him.

"Heero?"

"Yes, it's me reaching out."

"Oh, yeah? I'm back in town. Howard passes on his 'howdy do' by the way."

"Glad he remembers me."

"Oh, no chance of him forgetting the likes of you. Wanna come over to my place?" he drawled in a relaxed, beckoning kind of voice.

"That would be acceptable. Ten minutes?"

"Now?"

"If you're not too—"I supposed he might have thought I meant to visit him in the next year or so.

"—Never for you! Just come over, heh, heh." He signed off amid laughter.

Glad to have amused him, at least, I dashed to his house full of anticipation. I didn't have any preconceptions. I just counted on Duo being there to solve all my problems. He'd think of something. The front door was unlocked; I entered the house slowly, calling out, "Duo?"

"I'm just reading."

I closed the door and removed my shoes, placing them side by side with his. "I'll be right there."

"Here. My room's back here."

I followed his voice to a wide open doorway and stepped inside.

"Wanna come to bed...here with me...tonight?" he asked in a soft, low voice. He placed a bottle of wine and glasses on the bedside table then turned to stare me down.

That was fast.

I felt a rush of excitement as I looked him over. It was a different experience every time I saw him. Sometimes, looking at him made me think of the teenage terrorist, other times my closest friend, and other times, like this one, he was the sexist guy around. He wore his hair loosely tied back in a low tail. His tight black tee shirt had a picture of a sad-looking dinosaur and "All my friends are dead" lettered in white below.

I was staring back at the most enticing guy I'd ever seen in my life. (Tell me, Quatre, wherever you are with that Jedi-mind-reading trick of yours, what are the mathematical odds of that?)

I was still too astonished to speak. No "how have you been?" No offer of food or drink. Just a proposition to sleep with him.

And what a _him_ he was!

That arresting face was turned toward me, full lips currently pouting, skin still kissed by the sun, sizzling, violet-blue eyes smudged with gray eye shadow and lined in black like an Egyptian pharaoh (his latest affectation, I guessed.) Tousled light-brown bangs naturally streaked red and just long enough to cover his eyebrows in places and loose tendrils licking against the edges of his broad shoulders and hands perched now on slim hips as he glared at me.

"Well? I asked you a fucking question." He insisted I answer with that look and that stance.

I searched my neural pathways for a dictionary, thesaurus, any handy mental lexicon, suddenly unable to identify my own native language as I just continued to stare dumbly.

Duo hesitated, and then frowned. "This is my place, my bedroom," he went on in a calmer voice, "And I expect you are staying over since it's too late for dinner and a movie and I got stuff to do in the morning, as do you, probably. You aren't planning to run out, right?"

"Oh… no," I said. _Brilliant, just brilliant. Now think of something else moronic to say._ Sadly what came out was "Hn?"

I guess it was my fate to be senseless in his presence. And somehow, rather than being angry or confused by it, Duo was fully cognizant of my impairment. Apparently he was even amused by it. He began smiling at me for some reason and leaned back against the edge of the dresser, his thighs spreading deliciously apart as he relaxed and continued to watch me a little uncertainly, as if he were trying to match my words to my mood or to my face. The guy's exotic eyes were tantalizing, an intense mesmerizing shade like something you'd find in a roiling sea in a storm. I watched him as his expression slowly altered to a wicked smile that revealed relatively white, straight teeth. I was falling under his spell._ Damn, damn, damn.__  
_

"You didn't answer me," he observed, eyes twinkling.

"Huh?" _Oh, just bury me now._ I coughed, unable to hide my deepening blush as I noticed the effect (of what he was considering doing with me) on his body. A sharp image of Trowa laughing at me came to mind. I shoved it away, angered that he would intrude at such an intimate moment. It did help me find my speech center in my brain, however.

"Uh, yeah, okay. Sure."

"Sure-sure? Like, you can do that? What-the-hey, ya know? Might as well give it a go, say what? Or do you mean like 'Wow, Duo, that's a terrific idea. Love to.' Heh, heh…" he trailed off into a chuckle.

I felt my face warm with a new flush of embarrassment. Finding a chair not covered in his discarded clothes took a moment, and then I fell into it as my knees weakened entirely, and waited for what was to come.

Duo just laughed and walked lazily towards the chair I was still half sprawled in. He leaned down with a hand on either armrest and kissed me full on the lips, a slow leisurely kiss with just enough tongue action to shut back down whatever parts of my brain had managed to come online after the visual assault. He pulled back to survey the damage he'd wrought, searching my heated face and then smiled again.

"I like the tongue stud—" I said, trying to put it in a voice just this side of downright sultry, and then stumbled over saying his name, putting my clever comment in the "inane" context, "-ahh...D-duuu."

He stood and walked to the bed, then turned. My eyes followed him like iron filings on a magnet. "Name's Duo Maxwell," the idiot said with a wink. He seemed to take my idiocy in stride as he stretched to yank off his t-shirt. "You seem to have trouble rememberin' that."

_Yeah, sure, funny dude_. My eyes dropped to that chest, then lower as he began to unzip his jeans. I laughed at myself, sitting up in the chair and shaking my head.

"Want me to turn out the light?" he asked.

I nodded. As much as I wanted to continue watching him, I was sure I'd make a bigger fool of myself in about twenty seconds unless the lights dimmed.

Duo turned slowly, hand lingering on his belt buckle as he did, then walked to the switch at the door and flicked it off, leaving only the light from the bathroom to illuminate the room. He returned to the bed this time and stood silently for some minutes while I watched.

"'Ro?" Duo's voice sounded loud in the quiet of the room.

"Hn?" I said without turning.

"You coming to bed?" His voice was soft.

He unloosened his belt and dropped his pants. I heard the soft rumpling of fabric as it hit the floor.

I cleared my constricted throat. "Um…in a minute."

"Okay." Duo sighed what sounded like his own brand of frustration and slipped under the covers.

I hoped it would be easier to talk in bed and I'd been looking forward to curling up next to him and having a conversation. That's how I knew I needed his friendship badly.

_Did I want to jeopardize it for a sexual encounter? What if I separated the two? He could be my friend and... we could fool around. Just keep the "love you forever" tripe out of it._

_Yeah. Yeah, that was it. _

_That's the kind of thing he'd understand. Could I do that? Duo certainly seemed able to handle dispassionate affairs with other men, or so Trowa had informed me; could he now with me? Was that what I wanted, though?_

My thoughts were all tangled up, as usual.

Duo radiated a kind of casual authority and certainty, I found that reassuring. His usually expressive face remained impassive as he returned my gaze from across the darkened room. So, he hadn't judged me to be too pathetic yet.

I walked to the bed. I could hear Duo's even breathing in the dimly lit room. I struggled out of my shirt, added it to the floor pile, and looked down at Duo's loose hair spread out across the pillow. I hadn't seen it out of the braid that way and my fingers twitched anticipating the feel of it. Excited as I was, I might have stood there indefinitely, staring, had Duo not said something.

"Nice," he purred.

With that for encouragement, I unhooked my jeans and wiggled out of them. Duo's breathing grew louder and quicker, so I took my time folding and setting the jeans on top of the t-shirt, making a neat pile. Wearing only underwear, I pulled up the edge of the covers and climbed into the bed carefully, trying not to jiggle Duo. _What was I afraid he'd do, bite? Fall apart? _

Duo's body stirred beside me. "Mmm...'Ro?"

I could see his eyes glitter slightly in the dim light. "Yeah?" I answered back nervously.

"You must be tired, babe. Want a backrub?" His smile was concealed in the darkness, but I could hear it.

"Umm..."

Somehow "no" just wasn't coming out of my mouth. This wasn't about sex then. I should have thought of that. But… _a prelude to sex, possibly? No, something in-between. Something Duo would be in control of. _ I could be his lover or friend or both, if he'd just clue me in on what he wanted!

Duo chuckled and pushed himself up on his elbows. "That sounded suspiciously like a 'yes'."

I laughed quietly then constructed and entire sentence. "Yeah, well, I wouldn't mind a backrub, I guess."

"Not one of _mine_," Duo emphasized, rising up to kneel beside me. "Wufei gave me lessons—massages only." He patted my shoulder. "Be a good boy and roll over."

I laughed nervously again and followed the command, rolling over and putting my cheek down against the pillow. Duo straddled my back, placed his hands on my neck, and began his task with kneading the tight muscles, digging his thumbs in to loosen the tension there. Oh, that felt good. I moaned softly, it felt so good after the long day and Duo's hands were strong.

I murmured into the pillow, "You should be a professional masseur; you have real talent _in those fingers_ (I meant to say all that but I think I ended with mff)."

He worked his way down my spine, digging in and relaxing each muscle group in turn, then shook his head saying, "Nope. It's just for people I care about; my talent can't be bought."

"Mmm, just as well," I agreed against the pillow as he hit a particularly tight section in my lower back.

As I relaxed, I grew aware of Duo's body weighing on mine and heat flared in those places we touched and then spread outward. He reached down to surreptitiously adjust 'things'. Friendship with Duo, especially accompanied by this kind of proximity, was going to make any resolution to damp down my heart more difficult, I knew, but I had no intention of changing our relationship itself.

_Just my own emotional reaction to it. _

_Unless he changed things._

_I could do this._ _It wasn't his fault that I was having difficulty, so why penalize him with some kind of dramatic scene or hysterical demand to alter our friendship? I just had to gain control of myself._

I had quick vision of Mr. Spock in the Vulcan desert; it was a scene from one of the many downloads Duo and I had watched in that tiny cabin. Detached. In control. _Ah, but hadn't Spock failed that training in stoicism? Damn. _

I pushed that nagging thought away and concentrated on letting Duo's hands soothe the stress in my body. Duo's friendship wasn't something I wanted to jeopardize with promises of love and jealous demands of fidelity. _I really could do this._

Duo hit an especially sensitive spot and I groaned in appreciation. He slid his hands a tiny bit further down and kneaded just above my butt.

"Mmmm...Duo?" I muttered.

"Like that?" His hands stroked and massaged a little lower yet.

"Mmm-hmm. Don't stop...well...except..."

"It's dark, babe, but I can tell you're blushin'. You're lightin' up the room."

The pillow muffled my self-conscious laughter. "Yeah, well..." I murmured, stretching my legs apart to get more comfortable.

Duo waited until I'd re-settled before lowering himself across my back and nuzzling into my neck. "Feeling better yet?"

I snickered as his long hair tickled down my sides. Duo nipped my earlobe and I gasped at the unexpected rush of blood and feeling. The heat of Duo's body touched mine from head to toe and I could feel his hardness against my thigh. He pushed down my underwear with his hand, and then used his foot to toss it off the bed.

He groaned again, needy, and ground into me. "Hee-ro—"

I did the smartest thing yet—I stopped questioning his motives and mine. And I simply gave in to it all. Gave in to our impulses.

I should have drunk half that bottle of wine to deaden the occasion even more, maybe, because after it was over, I was a bit disappointed. It hadn't felt totally awe inspiring like I'd expected; it even hurt.

Duo was great, mind you. His kisses more intoxicating than the wine. His hands should be licensed love-weapons. It was the final act that wasn't… great.

I knew there had to be more to sex or no one would ever go through that again.

My first sex with Duo exhausted me physically and emotionally. We lay together a moment or two before he rose and padded to the bathroom. He returned with a damp washcloth and a couple towels. As he proceeded to clean us up, me mostly, we didn't talk more than a few words of assurance. Duo claimed he'd never had a "first timer" before and may have been a little rough. I told him I could take it and something in my tone must have set him off, because suddenly he was falling all over himself with promises to "make it up to me" and vows to "do better". I brushed him off, telling him not to dwell on it and I'd be fine and forget it and hoped he would.

_Like that would happen._

He curled around my back and we both dropped off to sleep.

**(o) Trowa's POV **

I couldn't have chosen a more demanding area of study if I'd tried. Medicine required all my waking hours, some of my sleeping ones, and a large portion of my soul.

I logged in hours of dedicated work and training and scholarship, and when I would get a free moment, I'd call Quatre. If it was possible at all we would try to get together—moving the stars aside to hasten the travel time. Often, he would be able to leave whatever he was already embroiled in and join me. But as time marched on, as likely or not he couldn't.

I became increasingly dissatisfied, frustrated and even more insistent that he make time for me. I told him that what I was doing was more important than whatever he was busy with and that I should come first. _It was true,_ I believed.

Well, he didn't agree. We _had words_.

There came a time when we had a fight that left him crying. I felt awful. I couldn't concentrate on a test and nearly screwed everything up. I put in hours of extra credit work to make it up. I couldn't risk a bad grade and fail at medical school. But after that, I skipped across the galaxy to find him on L4, steal him away, and return him to earth.

I took him out to his sadly neglected beach cottage. The house, too big to be a cottage, belonged to his family, but since none of them visited the Sanc Kingdom, it was basically his. There, I apologized and we made up and we sweated together to repair the roof and clean inside.

And there we made love together for the first time.

It was terrific. Well, I wasn't, but the occasion was. He was young and inexperienced and uncomfortable. I needed to let off a little steam, but really, it wasn't all that. I was grateful for everything he did for me, especially that.

There was the roar of the ocean in the background. No music; we didn't need that. The sun was obscured by clouds, but it could have been going super-nova for all I cared or noticed. Quatre was at the center, like a vortex sucking in me and all my energy.

Well, most of it. We were undressing and I'd gone off about some classmate I disliked because I hadn't worked off all my stress from school yet, I guessed. Quatre, thankfully, was there to help me forget.

"Uh, huh... so about me," Quatre said with a smile and chuckle as he stretched out naked on the bed.

Me, I blushed on cue. I point that out because I rarely did that, but I'd been staring at him, just _staring_ and talking about the hated Kurt guy, while he'd stripped off his clothes. I'd missed his entire show.

"Yeah, what about you?" I purred. I would miss no more, I vowed.

He brought an arm up and encircled my neck, using that to haul me in for a kiss so passionate and filled with desire that I moaned like a lioness in heat.

I remember being amazed at the softness of his skin and the reactions that the barest caress could bring from him. My Quat really liked sex once he got the hang of it.

I was enjoying the pleasure I could give him with such simple strokes, when he reached out and touched me, suddenly squeezed my erection. I gasped at the exquisite bliss, and then pulled his hand off me, and rolled to the side, shuddering with my climax.

"Oh...my," he sighed.

"That hasn't happened to me since I was...a teenager. I thought I'd have more control than that." I looked into his eyes and said simply, "It's you..."

He starting blushing out of embarrassment for me, which was funny since I really wasn't bothered at all- more amused, bordering on impressed.

"...aaaand it's been quite a while," I admitted.

He giggled, and I balled up some sheet to clean off.

"Come on, we can share the shower. I've always wanted to wash your hair. Can I? Please?" he begged boyishly.

His candidness and humor won me over. Sex was sloppy – so what, it should be fun. It liked his attitude. No worries.

The next time was better and after that it became amazing.

Afterwards, we talked. Really talked. He understood my dream to become a doctor and supported me fully knowing the years of medical school I'd only begun _on earth_. But… I had to accept his vision of the future as well, to continue to run his family's business, the Winner Corporation _based on L4_.

_Two professionals with overflowing schedules, could we survive it? Or should we give up and let the currents sweep us apart and out into that vast sea of strangers and take our chances? _

We were not sure. Not that day. But that night we committed to try to hold onto our "special" friendship a little while longer.

I stared into his eyes and was at a loss for the right words to describe how I felt. My vocabulary fell short. Making love to the man I was in love with (and yes…I told him so, too. It went something like this: Quatre, I-I...I love you), was like nothing I had ever experienced. I was overwhelmed with joy and wants I couldn't express with just words—or so my rational mind thought.

Suddenly though, words started appearing, forming in my mouth, out of nowhere! They burst from my lips faster and hotter than kisses. I blurted out everything! I wanted him to marry me and have my babies (which was only possible via test tubes and a willing egg donor, but hey…), and be there waiting for me when I got home. I did my best to tell him. To be open and honest.

I was earnest; I'm sure he knew I was, too, because he cried when he turned me down.

"I-I can't!" his voice was shrill. "Oh, Trowa, I've waited so long to hear you say 'I love you'. And a proposal! I would have jumped to say 'yes' in the past, when I didn't know better."

Even as I was trying to assimilate that Quatre had turned down my pitch to get married, I knew he was right. I was being overly possessive and selfish. But...but...he said no! NO!

I blushed with shame and didn't even try to hide my pain. "It was a rash thing to say. I should have known better than to ask that of you in the heat of ...passion."

He smiled. "You were being all noble and gallant, I know. You wouldn't want me to give up my virginity unless you were willing to marry me."

All right. If he thought I was being noble, I could go that route.

Quatre took my pause to mean he should say more to ease my disappointment. "I mean, I do want to marry you, Trowa. I really, really do! But...not right now. I have so much I want to do and so do you! We hardly have time to see each other as it is. You understand, right? You do see my point, don't you?"

I sighed, "Of course."

"And if I said 'yes', we couldn't get married right now anyway. So, then we'd want to wait and put it off until we had time...and what if that took too long—"

_-and one of us died_. The war was over but the peace was fragile. Pilots could be targets for angry people we'd fought against. The thought hung out there even though neither of us could say it, would say it.

But he took the conversation in a direction I hadn't thought of.

"-and one of us found someone else to do things with when we had a spare minute."

My heart sank through the floor where he could stomp on it further.

"A-and… then we'd feel all guilty and feel like we were sneaking around and I just don't want to be dishonest with you." Quatre gasped to catch his breath.

I felt that terrible pang of jealousy. "Is there someone...else?"

His answer, a punch to the arm, and a sharp-edged, "Trowa!"

"But you want to leave the possibility open," I fined-tuned my query, hating every word.

"For both of us," he said sharply. "I know you see others." A faint film of pink colored his cheeks.

"Ah..." Well I had, but not many since med school, and they'd all been meaningless. "Some, but I don't date them or anything like that. I don't care about them like I do you."

"I understand. So, I might have...encounters, too. And sometimes I will want to go places and have fun, times when you'll be too busy. And...and...I guess I'm just not ready to give it all up yet and get married and spend my time waiting for you to spare me a minute. And most of all, I want to try making it on my own first."

"And be a businessman," I said.

"Yes, and know that I can take care of myself. Then when I get married, I will know that it's for love, not convenience- or worse."

"Worse?" _What was he thinking of?_

"Like out of fear of losing you."

That had to have been a hard thing for him to admit. It would have been for me. "Quatre. You are so principled. You know that now I'll have to live up to your standards?"

He smiled. "Do you want to?"

"Yes," I admitted. I did.

"Good. That's why I said it! You are free to do as you like, but when we are both ready to give up what it takes in order to share a life together, then you will still be there, and so will I. Because you will always be here in my heart."

His hand was on my heart, just as mine lowered to his. And then I knew what it meant to truly be in love; to be willing to give up what you wanted most in order to do what was right. "The just thing", was still a part of Wufei's credo and seemed to fit this instance, incredibly.

I fucking hated "noble."

* * *

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Braid **

Chapter Five

* * *

**(o) Wufei's POV**

I left the College of Arts and Sciences building and wandered home. I felt the need to consult someone, but besides Heero (who I hadn't forgotten I intended to kill, but he was doing a better job of punishing himself over his relationship woes than I could ever do) I couldn't imagine who that might be. I had attempted friendships with others at the university and failed miserably.

What I craved was a lover. _Could Milliardo Peacecraft become that?_ _Oh, dear Ancestors! What would they ask of me next? Would I have to burn down my house for them to know my devotion and come to my assistance? _

I had lost my way. I could hardly recall the family altar of my childhood—and even fainter was the memory of the clan ancestral temple on L5. Incense. That fragrance had seeped into my pores. Tablets with faces of long-dead people, their names. All lost. _What should I be doing?_

As the eldest male I should speak to the altar on a daily basis and possibly pray to the spirit to do something for the family. But what did keeping the rituals mean, if I'd already forgotten my lineage? _Would I forever be haunted? _

We had kept our festivals, not the same as the earth-bound Chinese, and now I couldn't remember the dates. All I could do was offer a burning candle to my parents, Meiran, and others of the Long clan.

So far, the spirit world had left me alone. I had to be doing something right, or they would have abandoned me for all time, dooming me to rely solely on the wisdom of the living.

Which brought me back to my earlier lament: _Who to turn to?_

My first choice was Heero, obviously, then Maxwell, Barton, and Winner. Remarkably, I was unable to reach any of them. It happens, especially when they are busy and in different parts of the universe. Even Heero was unavailable for lengthy conversation this day, which brought me to my second tier choices.

I began to wonder if every colleague I ever had was ever a friend at all. I'd look at my acquaintances, try to have a meaningful conversation, and their eyes would glaze over. No one listened. Most people could care less what I had to say. They either hated my guts or were completely obsessed with me, and I became tired of it. Some of them were too scared to talk to me; being an ex-Gundam pilot had a lot to do with that, when I first started out, and being in a position of power at the university contributed later on. Others totally avoided topics of the intimate nature and would cling to safe ones, always work-related subjects, keeping our contact completely professional, which I preferred generally. At least I knew where I stood with them, and where I'd continue to be year after year.

It didn't afford me anyone to share my problems with, though. I wasn't "out", but being seen dating Milliardo, who was definitely an unrestrained -or repentant- flirt, would kick me out of any closet, no matter how dark, deep, and secret it was. Not that I was in denial. I knew what I was and who attracted me, but I had an image of myself, my debt, real or imagined, to my ancestors, to attempt, at least try, to marry a willing woman and produce progeny.

But… I was totally in love, as I stated before, and out of candles and any other appropriate form of offering, and I had no one living to consult. So when Milliardo called me the next day to meet him at the coffee shop, my mouth appropriated my brain and I agreed immediately.

After ordering tea, I joined him at his exposed window seat. No hiding for him.

"It's good to see a friendly face," he greeted me. "Everyone is unfamiliar today."

"I'd introduce you around," I told him, "but other than a few dry ancient-history professors and linguists, there's no one I think might be apt."

"I embarrass you?" He shot a look around the shop. "Would you prefer a table in the corner?"

"What? No! Nothing like that! You only make me look good!" The blood shot to my face and I wished I hadn't said that. My mouth had a mind of its own, obviously, and it wasn't connected neurologically, with the one in my head. "I have no friends, to be honest. Working relationships, partnerships, research teams."

"Not Heero Yuy? Surely, he's a friend. He thinks you are in any case."

"Well, him, of course, and the others," Duo, Trowa, and Quatre went without saying, "but they aren't here."

"Ahhh. I understand, actually," Milliardo said.

_No, you don't. You couldn't possibly._ My withering glance up from my tea cup must have said it all.

"You think that just because people think I'm attractive and rich that I don't have any problems?" He ran his long, fingers through his straight pale hair, pushing the messy, bangs to the side.

"I'll trade you problems," I muttered.

"I'm sure your striking features attracting unwanted suitors must be a problem we share already."

My breath caught in my throat. "No, never."

"Then you just aren't noticing. A handsome, sexy, young man like you must get tired of having older guys watch you in the halls; tired of getting embarrassing compliments in front of everybody."

I blushed and shook my head furiously. "That doesn't happen to me!" I insisted as if my life depended on it.

"Hmmm, well, if I believe you, then you are supremely lucky. I've come to expect a request for some sick sexual favor from me the second I'd meet a new person—from males and females. I'm tired of losing friends because of how I look. I have feelings too you know. You have been the first person who ever listened closely enough to me to understand me in a very, very long time."

"Me?" I said, actually startling a ridiculous giggle out of me. Considering all the blatant sexual images and thoughts I'd been suffering since I saw him, I was no better than the worst of them. _Pervert Wufei. No wonder my ancestors no longer pay me any attention!_

Milliardo leaned across the table, making me even more nervous than I already was. "You see? You listen to me. You're not just pawing me or staring at me like everybody else. That's why I like you so much, because for the first time in my life I've found somebody that makes me feel like I matter."

I was trying to smile for him, but his words made me feel sick. He saw me as such a potentially good friend, vastly different from everyone else he had ever known, and here I was falling for him with every word he spoke.

_Why did I have to be like this? Why couldn't I turn it off?_ Here was this awesome, wonderful man, pouring his heart and soul out to me, and all I could do was think of how extraordinary it would be to kiss him.

He reached out and laid a hand on mine, covering it completely.

"I'm really happy to be here, to get to know you. It's strange, but I've never felt so close to anybody before in my life. There are things I've needed to talk about and I feel I can trust you. I really like you- is that all right?"

That's when it happened, my thoughts whip-lashed from confusing and semi-innocent, right back to sexual again. I hadn't wanted to get past that image of a sweet kiss I'd pasted over all my other images, but looking over into his grey-blue eyes slightly hidden behind strands of white-blond hair, I pictured his beautiful nude body on top of mine, glistening with a thin sheen of sweat.

"Milliardo."

He was holding my hand- my hand! He was staring into my eyes without saying a word, and I thought to myself, all I would have to do is lean forward. Just a few inches. I started to wonder whether our entire friendship, everything that had been built between us (yes, it was only a few days in the making, but I was taking into consideration all our past!), would be worth that one sweet kiss. Just a simple kiss, with lips so tender and soft. _How could he hate someone who wanted him so much? Maybe he would understand, maybe he wouldn't mind._

We continued to look at each other and for a quick second I could have sworn I saw a spark of something in his eyes, a knowing shine with promise that let me know he understood.

Lust thrust its searing blade right up through me; it was a near-death experience. I didn't know what to do, but if I didn't concentrate on something else, I was going to pass out. And then, naturally, I thought of how smooth and soft his hands were. _Focus!_ I felt callouses from sword-handling and piloting controls, but they weren't roughened by hard work, scarred by accidents, or by the cruelty of war- and I thought about how he must be an excellent kisser.

I wanted to act, to say something, do something. I was right at the door leading to change, possibly a good one. All I had to do was open it.

"Bet you want to know what I'm thinking?" he smiled furtively.

I nodded. My racing heart tried to leap out of my chest so it could break that door down entirely. _Yes! Yes, damn you! Give me a sign!_

"Well...it's a secret!" he chuckled. The effect was like slamming that theoretical door in my face.

_That was my 'sign'?_ I blinked away the image I'd just painted of us kissing on a beach, the wind blowing wisps, no,_ masses_ of platinum hair all over my body. I'd been given my sign and it wasn't the one I'd been hoping for. Instantly, my senses came under control of brain again, my reason returned, and I pulled away from him.

"Thanks, Milliardo. You…you may consider be a good friend and confident. You can count on me."

We both stood up, and shared an awkward moment before he stuttered, "Of course...g-good friends."

Then there was a total mood shift. As if we changed dimensions or something. He left in haste, paying at the cash register on his way out. I sat a while longer and mourned. _What had I done wrong? Had I imagined more than what had been? _

Obviously, I had.

**(o) Heero's POV **

The next morning, Duo shook me awake. I cracked open an eye when he kissed me lightly and noticed he had already dressed and looked ready to go out.

"You're going?" I asked.

"Yeah, got a job interview, not really paying, more an internship, but it could lead to more pay. Just something. You okay?"

"Yeah. I hadn't slept that well in… ever. I feel good." I moved a little more, waking up, and winced, feeling that unusual pain. _Even into the next day, I ache._

"What's wrong?"

"- my ass." It kept me planted in the soft blankets on the bed.

"Stay, sleep, use my computer, game controllers are under the coffee table. I'll pick up dinner on the way home." He kissed me solidly on the lips and left me wanting more lazing in his bed.

I wanted more of his touches; God, who wouldn't? Of its own volition, driven by intense cravings for contact only Duo could satisfy, my body leaned into his kiss, begging for more. I would test if sex would improve with practice! But itching at the back of my consciousness was this irritating voice… probing. It was that part of me that wanted to talk about what had happened, how we were doing, and where we were heading—relationship business. I was saved the trouble of choosing which longing to give into, when he bolted from the bedroom. Seconds later I heard the front door slam behind him.

Without his influence, I found the motivation to get up, and find something to eat. He'd given me his passwords, so I manhandled his computer into submission and immediately searched the internet for help. There had to be a thousand guides and helpful hints to having good sex; I only needed one.

I read maybe ten and learned loads. Next time, use lubricant, touch him, take time. I had been too afraid. _Afraid? Of what, some pain?_ _Unlikely._ What really was terrifying me, I didn't want to deal with. I took that thought, suppressed it, compressed it into a ball and crammed it into a little pocket of my subconscious labeled "Later, baby!" The rest of what I learned, I stored it all away in my head like a training manual. I'd make a success of sex yet, if I ever had another chance.

And I contacted Trowa for some advice. Advice only. Just to make things clear. Any story he tells that puts us in bed having sex is pure fantasy. It did not happen. He likes to pretend that we did to rile everyone else. But we didn't. Not, no, never. I only sought him out on the subject of certain toys for enlarging passages, which he'd mentioned needing for a certain someone at one time. That was it.

The more I thought about it, and I deliberated long and hard about every aspect of our encounter, the more convinced I was that Duo had left me that morning to avoid a confrontation. That was how I saw it. If I'd called him, or had he called me, our conversation might have gone like this and we would have worked out our problems:

"_Listen, Heero. It's great, the sex part, and it can be even better—lots better with practice- but you gotta know I want more, that emotional link, but I'm not so sure you're willing or even capable of giving me that."_

_I didn't know. "Hn."_

"_Think of it as a new chapter in our book."_

"_Book? We have a book?"_

"_Go with the metaphor here, college boy. The themes were already in place. Instead of you sticking to your character, you modify things a bit so that your plotline in the story and mine can change."_

"_I see."_

"_Good. Because the old plot stunk. I'd fought the notion of us being a devoted couple before, and had had to run away to avoid being reminded of how much I wanted the impossible when you just made it obvious you weren't interested, or ready."_

"_Oh, well, I'm ready for more, for a relationship, Duo."_

"_Let's go for it!"_

We didn't have that conversation, though.

So, I didn't actually know how he felt about me- or us- just like he didn't know how I was suffering in my own state of confusion. I was trying to fit into an outdated character description of my own making, and it was uncomfortable. I no longer wanted the same old "just be friends" or even the slightly better "friends with benefits" plotline, and was unsure how to alter it. Was it too far in the story to change things now? Didn't know, but since we hadn't had that nice talk, and I hadn't learned his change of heart, I sure as hell wasn't ready to start turning over the proverbial new leaf just yet. So, we kept to the same old storyline, twisted the ever-changing characters into their fixed forms, and forged ahead—at a snail's pace.

I continued to visit Duo at his place, the house he shared with other college men. It beat being alone in my place. It beat being alone, period. All my temporary roommates had deserted me one-by-one. That should have been an indicator to me that I wasn't easy to be around.

"Come stay at my house." He stood at my desk, fumbling with my pencil holder and waiting for me to say something. "There's food for dinner and no roommates," he added invitingly. "All going to the ball game."

"Okay."

I packed up my papers and let him lead me to the parking lot to his ten-year old car.

I chuckled at the beat up appearance and pushed away the books on the passenger seat. "Date much lately?" I asked, teasing him.

"No," he told me frankly and drove home.

I didn't ask if that meant that he and I were exclusive, although it would have been a good idea. We tip-toed around the "do you love me?" issue and just enjoyed the feeling of togetherness. Um, and sex, too. We got better at doing that as well, but I sure as hell am not going to go into that now. Just use your imagination and you'll get the idea.

Problem was, well, there were two problems actually. How deep did his feelings for me go, and how much longer could I deny how much he meant to me? I wasn't ready to risk everything with some big stupid admission when things weren't so bad the way they were.

The third problem hit hard and fast, like, as Duo would put it, a sneaky curve ball.

At least a couple months had passed since Duo and I had engaged in our memorable first sex. We were kind of, nearly, almost-boyfriends, but I knew he was up to something that didn't include me. I could practically hear the gears going in his head. When I checked his computer, I found that he'd been investigating L2, looking for jobs, but he'd told me about that. He was looking around Sanc as well. There were two offers he'd replied to, though, and both had originated on L2. So when Duo arranged to meet me on campus, I was somewhat prepared to hear something momentous.

He told me he'd gotten a job offer on L2 earlier and wanted to take it and "get the hell outta Dodge".

I didn't want to leave. I had my life here on earth, in Sanc, graduate school, but I didn't say that, not at the time. I told him he should "do what he thought was best." I was late to class, so we didn't have time to discuss it any further.

When that evening Duo stopped by my place, it was without warning. And when Duo declared his love for me, I was shocked. Wasn't his declaration exactly what I had wanted, making it clear how he felt? Well, yeah, but what about the L2 move? It all looked hopeless to me. I wanted something from him, but we couldn't even seem to be together here in Sanc, so how could we make a life together on L2?! I couldn't put two thoughts together in his presence! _What was he thinking?_ _Did he expect me to drop everything I was doing and follow him to L2, where I'd be a total basket-case and at odds with what I was doing? What did he want from me? What did he want? What was he really saying here? What? What? What?!_

Just thinking my part of the conversation and I sounded hysterical. My head hurt. I fought back tears. I was already pushing way past that "two consecutive thoughts" limit and I wanted to die and I couldn't tell him why.

So, I, the hopeless head case, told him to give me the time I needed to finish classes and then come see me again. It would be years.

Insane, I know. I thought briefly that I should take advantage of the student health program and get my head examined.

I wondered how much time I had before Duo would leave the gravitational pull of earth. I didn't blame him.

**(o) Duo's POV **

Oh, Heero, Heero, Heero-

You see, I kinda have this problem (oh yes, just one! Bear with me, huh? I mean, it's not as if you don't have any either! And besides…I have to live with me forever). My problem is that I really can't tell a lie. I mean, of course I can, just not convincingly; at least, not without really getting into my part and acting it all out perfectly. Most of the time, I go to great efforts to avoid situations where I would need to fib. There's just something inside me that absolutely hates to lie. So, even when I convince myself to try it, that little part of me totally sabotages the effort. I've learned that it's totally pointless to even try.

It's even hard for me to do the good, old-fashioned lying by omission. You know, not telling an _untruth_, but just not _telling_, period. Talk around the obstacle.

Now, where was I?

I need to step back a few days in the story. We'd had sex. I was so crazy in love with the guy I nearly blew it. I'd lost control; I'd hurt him; I'd fucked him into his non-verbal state again. I ran away to give him time to come to terms with whatever he was thinking.

Me? I struggled with my inner demons until I decided it was time to share my innermost thoughts with Heero. I'd given him weeks of time. Job offers were materializing, but the best ones were streaming in from L2. If he didn't want me, then I couldn't stay in Sanc. He might be interested in L2 for a change, too. I wouldn't know if I didn't ask, right? It was now or never. I couldn't hide my feelings from him, so I might as well just get everything out on the table and let him have a part in deciding our future, if we had a future together.

I'd seen him across the quad and felt my stomach lurch, or heart thump—some internal organ going haywire with excitement.

I chased him down. "Hey! Heero!"

"Duo! How are you?"

Since he seemed equally happy to see me as I was to see him, I invited him to my place for dinner and to watch some downloads or play a game or something tame and inoffensive.

I was determined to show him a good time while he was over and make a supreme effort to impress him with and my ability to provide us dinner and my computer setup. Heck, that was usually the easy part for me anyway, the computer. That seemed like the only way I was gonna have a chance with him...I had to show him we could work together...that I wasn't an unnecessary risk in his life. I just couldn't stand the thought of him worrying I was gonna be a problem for him. No, I wanted him to value me for who I was, and what I was capable of doing, under the right circumstances. He was hopelessly shy and painfully awkward around other people, but I never doubted my own abilities to get past that and get us on common ground.

Computers… when it came to stuff like that, I simply knew I could do it better than most. If I really had to...

Anyway, that meeting turned out okay. We got along like old times. Friends with a little twist, a hint of spice. He left with an open invitation for me to visit him at his place, giving me a few days to choose from—ones with a few free, unscheduled hours.

I didn't deal very good with waiting_ days_ to see him . It gave me more time to think than was healthy. I wanted to do was get away, travel, see something new- and do it with Heero. What I had was a case of the roving blues, I guessed. I'd had enough of making time in Sanc. I hadn't found any jobs that would make me want to stay. In fact, the only thing to stay for was Heero, and couldn't he do his studying stuff someplace else just as good? I thought so. L2 was going great guns with rebuilding and there were IT jobs galore. I could work and he could do his engineering shit and have a blast for a few years before moving on to something else. Why not?

Well, first thing, I needed to let him know that I was insanely in love with him and wanted him to join me on this great life adventure I had in mind. He didn't seem to have any ideas of his own, so I figured he'd welcome mine.

So, that's how I found myself standing at the front steps leading to Heero's domain and stared at that stupid door. For a long time. I felt like a contestant on some insipid game show, and my fate was hidden behind that stupid door. But what was my fate? Ridicule and hate? Pain and humiliation?

Or something good?

Then this great big voice, which sounded a bit like Howard, come to think of it, bellowed through my brain: "Why would Heero Yuy want to tie himself down to you?"

That's when all the self-confidence ran out of me with a whimper and a whine. I knew I shouldn't even let myself pretend for a moment that we could actually become...um...well, you know..._could I?_ I mean, that was just too stupid and far-fetched an idea to even...no. _No way!_

It was as if I was talking to this guy, not myself!

"I'm just checking on 'Ro, just visiting to make sure he's okay, right? Just to let him know that I was concerned about him...in a friendly sort of way," I told the voice like Howard.

I knew all too well how easily I tended to confuse wishful thinking with reality. I had always had this ability to see the wonderful possibilities in things, only to end up disappointed with the final version of things reality had presented me. Seldom had the real world lived up to my fantasies. Well, okay...more like never, especially when it came to romance. Plus, I had this overactive libido working against me. That just kept getting me into so much trouble. I mean, it was like I was abnormal or something.

Quatre and Trowa never seemed to be bothered much. To me (and I could be entirely wrong about them), it appeared that they could admire men from afar and keep their hands to themselves and mouths shut.

Wufei even once revealed to me his…_cravings_…which seemed about on par with my own, so I wouldn't feel quite so alone with that problem. Except that he held himself under the tightest control imaginable and did nothing about it. _He_ dated no one; that scion of honor. I found willing _outlets_, but nobody captured my heart and made it do those calisthenics like Heero.

After a great effort (and a little more self-delusion), I summoned the courage to take another step forward toward Heero's house. Now, I was beginning to feel a little bit ridiculous (well, it takes some people longer than others, okay?). My resolve strengthened again, and I went right up those steps, and pushed the doorbell.

_Please, God above, let nobody be home...please, please, please!_

I hoped he'd gone out.

_Oh no!_

No. I heard footsteps coming down the hallway...approaching the door. Those were his less-than-dainty footfalls thumping a path to the door. I really wanted to run at that point, but my feet just wouldn't let me. _Stupid feet!_

A weakness settled over me. I felt light-headed. _Oh shit!_ _Now what was I to do?_

I almost passed out completely when Heero opened the door.

"Hello? Duo? I wasn't expecting you. It's good to see you again."

I grabbed for the doorjamb to steady myself. "So formal! Heh, heh."

I looked over my shoulder for a speedy exit route for when my case of cold-feet and my sky-rocketing temperature met up someplace in my middle and threatened to blow me to smithereens.

"Bet you're wondering what brought me by?" I didn't give him a chance to guess. "I needed to get some things off my chest, and not my shirt, ha ha!"

I was just trying to break the ice with a bit of humor, but I was probably closer to getting my nose broken instead.

Still, he let me in and offered me milk and pie. That was nice.

Afterwards, we went to his front room to listen to the latest tune I'd burned. At that point we just sat, or he did, while I was lying down on the couch and chit-chatting about classes, some ideas, stuff like that. The safe stuff.

"Good," he said, "you're smiling again." He smiled to mirror me, I suppose. "For a minute there you looked pale, like something might be seriously wrong."

"Nothing that a few minutes alone with you doesn't cure every time," I said smoothly.

_Mistake_. This was Heero I was talking to, not some airhead.

"Listen," he started.

And I always did- to what he had to say. Everything he said, I heard, I remembered, so that I could replay it in my head when I was alone and sad or just needed to hear a friendly voice, well, his anyway. But this time my brain filled with noise all my self-doubts clamoring for the upper hand.

* * *

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**Braid**

Chapter Six

* * *

**(o) Duo's POV**

Try as I like, and did try to listen to what Heero had to say to me, but my mind went a bit numb. I heard "L2" mentioned, but missed some details.

"- not ready for a boyfriend right now… Nothing personal," he was saying, "You…you're as good as the next guy, no I didn't mean that. You're better than most guys. I have nothing against you; it's just that I'm not ready to give up-"

I didn't want to hear about the other men in his life. The ones I knew about, mutual friends, were bad enough. I turned on my side and gave him the sincerest look I could manage in return. "I ah, Heero...I swear, I um... I mean, I'm really flattered that you even spend time with me. "

His face flushed suddenly and he looked away._ Funny dude. _I decided it was time to say what I'd come to tell him.

"Uh, you know...um...uh, I go to counseling. I've been going off and on, mostly off, but I started going when I started at the university, what with the health care they gave us for free. It's not that I'm totally messed up or psycho or anything...it's just...well, I have a little ADD...Attention Deficit Disorder, actually...and it helps me to cope with it. I mean, it was great for my piloting skills, but less so for sitting still in a classroom trying to stay focused and all for hours on end. So, now ya know another of my dirty little secrets. You must think I'm even more messed up now," I said glumly.

"No, I think you're just real," he replied. "You're one of the few people I've ever met who doesn't try to be something he isn't...you aren't perfect, but you don't pretend to be. I'll admit you're pretty well hidden inside your goofball personality most of the time, but you are for real."

"Um, thanks." I hadn't heard him say that much personal stuff in a long time, if ever. "Most people think I'm acting, but that's not so. I just have a complex personality." I tried out a grin. "What you see is what you get, at the moment," I said gamely.

"I respect that, " he said sincerely, "but you don't strike me as the super hyperactive type."

Okay, so he's not a great psychologist, but it sounded so good coming from him I couldn't disagree, could I?

"No," I laughed. "ADD can be with hyperactivity, or not. I'm mostly not. I guess I'm more of the shy, daydreamer type of ADD, you could say, heh, heh. But, it's ok...sometimes I think it's as much of a blessing as it is a curse. I have some unique talents...ADD people are well known for their creativity, and their ability to see things in a different light. You know, people like Albert Einstein, Thomas Edison?" I asked. "Both ADD people."

"I guess that's cool enough," he agreed.

I was heartened a little bit by his apparent understanding. But, I knew I had one more question that I really wanted to ask him...well, _needed _to ask really. I wasn't sure how he would react, but I just had to know.

He gave me a strange look, but didn't say anything, like Quatre sometimes scrutinized me when he was trying to "read" my feelings, as though he was trying to see something that wasn't quite in focus on my face, only Heero's eyes were like dark blue screws boring right through to my heart. And it was as painful as it sounded.

I jumped up, and then I passed out.

The next time I opened my eyes I made the mistake of sitting up too fast and feeling dizzy. I laid my head back against the pillow again, and stared at his ceiling for a minute. I took a deep breath, and suddenly I noticed it...the scent...the smell...of him. Since I had awakened in the room, it had been scratching at the back door of my consciousness, but only when my mind relaxed enough to let it creep in. I could smell his cheap shampoo, which got me to thinking that I'd like to buy him something nice for his hair, a minty conditioner. Suddenly my head was spinning again with so many different emotions... I was lying on Heero's bed in Heero's room. And he was sitting in a chair looking anxiously at me.

"Duo? Are you awake? Are you okay? You really had me scared for a minute there, fainting away like that! Your blood sugar must have gone off. Was the pie I gave you the only thing you've eaten all day?"

He didn't wait for me to answer.

"Obviously it was. You're damned lucky I'm strong and caught you before your head hit the floor! Not something that head of yours needs."

"Uh...Heero?"

The world had regained its customary shape and outlines by the time he'd finished his monologue. Let's just say my plans to seduce the guy failed to materialize and I'd fucking fainted! I wanted to dissolve into the fabric of space and disappear, not face him and explain. But, this being my life and all, I started babbling.

"I, uh… I have to go. I'm really late for a job interview, for which I have little interest, but friends set it up for me and will probably kill me if I just blow it off, however… I really want to know something… and I don't wanna piss you off or anything...or make you feel threatened in any way...but, well...um...I hope it doesn't bother you that I'm, ah… attracted to you...uh...physically ...you know, sexually...I mean, I like you as a person too—a lot! I love you! I just can't help it...how I feel about you, ya know? It's like I don't really have a choice about it...I just do, okay? I just want you to see me. The _real _me and know…that how I feel is real and only for you. But, I don't want you to feel strange about it, and I don't want to let that stop us from being friends, okay?"

During my monologue, I kept my eyes closed, figuring that it would be harder to cry that way. I tried my best to prepare my heart for the awful truth of the rejection that I was sure would follow. Hadn't I practically proposed when I told him I had a great job on L2 and totally awesome digs ready and waiting for me… for us? And then hadn't he _already_ told me a numerous times that he wasn't ready to give up his studies for a boyfriend on L2?

After I'd waited for what seemed like a _really long _time, I opened my eyes and turned my head in his direction. He was staring blankly out the window again, and I could see a little shine in the corner of his eyes.

_Tears, Heero's tears. Oh, God… _I could have taken nearly any form of punishment but that!

"Uh...you know, Heero...I mean, if it really bothers you, then I'll just do my best to put those feelings aside, okay? I just want us to be friends. That's more important than anything to me, really! Can we remain friends, please?" I begged.

He just turned and looked at me. Our gazes locked together again for a long while, and I was totally hypnotized by his dark blue eyes. I could literally feel him searching every nook and cranny inside my soul...looking desperately for the answer to a mysterious question. A very important question, it seemed, but one I didn't know the meaning of.

He remained totally silent, still searching my eyes desperately as I sat there. I could sense a battle raging inside him again, and it began to scare me a little. I noticed one small tear run down his face, and I decided maybe it was time for me to go before I fell apart. Or he did. Or we both did.

"Uh...well, ok then. I'm feeling better…don't worry; it's no big deal, really. I can get home all right. See? I'm just fine now. Um...I'll see you tomorrow, Heero. You...uh...take care of yourself, okay?" I said hesitantly.

All I got in return was that same desperately, intently searching gaze. And another small tear. And then as I was about to walk out the door, he whispered, "Give me four years. _Where_ ever; _whate_ver. Come back and ask me again, then. Now, get the hell out of here."

Man, did that haunt me for the longest time. It made me think of my other friends, if they ever suffered for love like I did— like Heero and I did. All the way home I thought about waiting and how I imagined that would be like.

Wufei, I remembered, had told me he could wait forever. Romance was off the table for him, for whatever whys and wherefores. He kept his reasons privately closeted. I needed to tell him he was wrong, so suddenly I was calling him.

"Wufei, yeah, Duo here. I know it's rather late… okay, _very_ late, so I won't keep you. Hold on! Don't hang up! I just wanted to give you some advice. Whether you want it or not. Yes, you do! You need to hear this, believe me. Here it is: **Don't wait too long**. Yep! That's it! You can thank me later. 'Night!"

The moment I got home I typed up my job acceptance and sent that off with my deposit on an apartment. I scheduled a seat on the next flight to L2, and then packed. My Sanc place had come furnished, so I didn't have big things to get rid of, and my neighbor agreed to clean the place in trade for keeping everything that wasn't nailed down. I left a note with the landlord, telling him the neighbor had my keys and that he could keep my deposit, hefted my few belongings, and hailed a taxi to the shuttle station.

Four years. I could do that, but only if I put some distance between Heero and me.

**(o) Trowa's POV **

A week after Quatre refused my marriage proposal, I called up Heero to talk. I must have sounded as desperate as I was, because he agreed to miss a class just to see me.

"It's just that it sucked to be turned down." I sank deeper into my seat and watched the steam rise off my coffee. "It was an impulsive thing to do anyway. I just couldn't believe he'd turn me down."

Heero nodded and ate a second and then a third roll. He was enrolled in the graduate engineering program, while I was in the medical school on the same Sanc University campus. When possible, we met up at the campus coffee shop, to share the ups and downs of college life, and life in general.

"Yeah, well… yeah." He told me that Duo had chosen to avoid graduate school and, instead, was diving headlong into a well-paying computer tech job. _On L2_. That was a long way away. He told me he wanted four years to get his grad degree and had asked Duo to wait for him in some indeterminate limbo state.

"Bummer." Anything else I could say would just set him off. I could tell he knew he'd been a stupid idiot. He just wanted sympathy, which, when you get down to it, was really what I wanted, too.

I told him about my romantic getaway that had ended up in our own kind of limbo. Also a long way away, from reality.

"Bummer," he said, repeating my summation with equal sympathy for my idiocy. "You love him for real?" he asked.

I shrugged. "Suppose so. I did at the moment. Now, I'm numb."

Then Heero straightened and put his hand on my arm. He and I avoided contact with most everyone, so it was an unusual thing for him to do. It got my attention. "Tell me…what's it like?" he asked.

"Which part? Being on top of the world one minute or falling off the edge the next?" By letting my sarcasm show through, I let him know how much just mentioning it still hurt me.

"The top part. Being in love."

Now that was the strangest topic of conversation anyone had ever broached with me before. Coming from Heero, I lost my voice.

"If you hold your breath any longer, you'll pass out," he warned me.

I wasn't even aware I was doing that. "Oh…" I gasped. "I, ah…didn't expect that question, that's all."

"So?"

I considered my words a moment then answered, "I felt impenetrable, for a while. Nothing could touch me. I was lighter than air, I was all-powerful, I was filled with an excess of joy. It was weird. Suddenly, I wanted a family of my own, a home, a husband to come home to, security and all. Really weird. I thought he wanted that, too. I was wrong."

"No, you weren't. You were right, your timing was wrong." Heero sipped at his drink and was even smiling a little.

"Humph," I sniffed. "Same thing in the end."

"Not really, Trowa. Quatre wants all that and more, just not right this minute. You are both too busy-"

"Busy, yeah, I know. He explained. I agreed. I know. It's just…" I let that thought just fade away.

"Disappointing? It would be to me, under the circumstances."

"Yeah. And now…I don't know what to do. Survive this… waiting-it-out time. Study, I guess. Get through the medical program and in four or five years, try again."

"That's a long haul."

Right. Enough about me. I felt the need to hurt back a tad. "Isn't that how long Duo has to wait for your answer?"

Take that.

Now it was Heero's turn to shrug. "He'll eventually forget all about that. He's got his own life and problems going on now."

"No shit." I said that but the look I gave him was more along the lines of "Is this the same Duo we're talking about? He won't forget, and you know it."

We paused to eat and sip and contemplate.

"So, you two did it, huh?" Heero asked.

"It? Oh, that...ahem...yes. It was better than I'd imagined it would be, with a virgin." I smirked at him.

Heero winced. I realized that I had no idea if he had ever had anything like a boyfriend, or girlfriend for that matter, in his life, having turned Duo away and been pretty much focused full time on missions up to now. None that I knew of. Had he ventured into the world of sex, I wondered?

"Have you…tried?" I asked.

"What? Oh, that, ah…yes." He was blushing and tearing a roll to shreds. "You want to teach me some new tricks?"

I inhaled my sip of coffee and gasped, sputtering and spilling the entire mug coffee over my shirt.

"That was smooth, Trowa. How about this: you come over and change your shirt. I got t-shirts that will fit. I need a ride home anyway. SUV's in the shop. Anyway, you promised we'd do something special tonight, unless you forgot about that."

His birthday. I hadn't forgotten. "I have a minute to spare." All right, that was an out-and-out lie. I sure as hell wanted to teach Heero Yuy about sex; I'd make time.

To be sure he won't tell anyone about this, so I will. He'll deny it, say it never happened, but it did. I gave his some tips on romancing a guy, but he just pushed and pushed for the sex and I was weak.

I popped in a CD and lit a candle.

"So what's next?" he asked. "I have no idea. Foreplay isn't my strong suit."

"Ah, I think I'll take off my wet shirt," I told him.

"Let me," he offered. "Consider it part of my birthday present from you."

"All right." I was starting to wonder how we got to his house. I didn't remember the drive over. I also decided that Heero wasn't lacking in experience as he'd hinted at first. "Although I was planning on just taking you to that campus movie and dinner."

His cool fingers ripped off the shirt, flung it across the room to hit the wall with a wet smack. That success was followed by a brisk removal of the rest of my clothing.

"Now me." He stood poised, ready for me to do my thing.

I felt, well, like a fool. "I, ah..."

"Oh, I'll do it then. You'd think I'd be the nervous one. There."

I looked over his naked body of muscled perfection, and then drew him into my arms.

"I..." was all I could croak out.

"This is just between you and me. I'd never tell Quatre or anyone," he assured me.

Or Duo. It occurred to me that this should have been Duo's job and was about to stop the proceedings.

"Or Duo," he said. "I want him to be impressed that I know what I'm doing, if he agrees to see me again."

Oh, so I was really a stand-in and teacher. That was a little disappointing, too.

"Heero..." was all I had to say for the next hour.

I awoke out of a half-dream state lying on my back, a weight across my chest and fingers fondling my favorite parts as a fresh condom was rolled on. I opened one eye and saw a mess of brown hair. Gods... "Heero? A-gain?"

"Don't worry," he said like he was afraid I'd start crying or something. "I'll do all the work this time, now that I've got the hang of it."

I had never been...in that position before, but I should have guessed Heero would want have the upper hand in that as well as everything else. "Yeah."

He reacted in a way that just proved my point all the more. If I thought I was tired at the onset of the evening, he made certain that I was not much more than a drained husk by the end of it.

I hoped to God that he and Duo made up. I knew I couldn't take that again.

Okay, I made most of that stuff up. I did borrow a dry shirt at Heero's place and I did hope that he and Duo made up and Duo found his way back to Sanc. But that's it.

Believe what you want.

**(o) Wufei's POV **

For some reason, which my treacherous brain has conveniently shelved, I agreed to write this log of my grand love affair for Maxwell to combine with similar, I can only imagine, tripe (what else could it be?) from Yuy and Barton. Maxwell's goal: to produce a spectacularly trashy document for us to all cherish to our dying days. I doubt he has even read this, much less, edited it. For a test, I shall now write about my research on t

{editor's note: no you won't, Wu-meister.}

**(o) Trowa's POV**

Time for the new and improved Trowa! A caring, considerate, compassionate fellow that Quatre and all our other mates would be glad to know, to welcome into their hearts and to love.

Right. Well, close. I did give it a go. It was summer and I was going to be a new man.

Quatre and I invited the others to his beach place numerous times over the course of the summer, and never once did I sleep with him, or anyone—or even tried to. I avoided arguments like the plague; I never asked a thing of him, I was thoughtful, kind and supportive. I knew that all my effort would make an impression on him. A reward was just waiting for me down the line.

My karma was set for success. I was poised, confident that all would turn out fine.

So, you are wondering "How did you do, Trowa?" Well, let me tell you...

By mid summer's end, Heero demanded that I "snap out of it!" He informed me that Quatre thought that I was "in love with someone else and dying from some mysterious disease that I was keeping secret from everyone."

Love sucked.

**(o) Wufei's POV**

"Um, Professor Chang?"

I looked up from my desk, covered with papers to grade, to see the most beautiful girl, the kind all the boys loved the instant they saw—tall, slim, curvy, and impossibly perfect. I wasn't quite a full professor, but I wasn't going to correct a student's misconceptions on that trifling point, especially when it gave me more authoritative power. "What do you want?"

I hated her perfection. She must have known I instantly hated her. It didn't require Winner's perceptiveness. Any fool could read my slitted-eye mood.

And yet she didn't leave.

She smiled and handed me a note, at which point I recognized her to be one of my students. _Damn. Had to be politely professional now._

The note smelled of some God-awful perfume.

"What am I supposed to do with this?" I demanded, dropping the offending note onto my desk before the stench attached itself to me.

"I'm a big fan of the prince's," she said in a feathery-soft, lispy voice (something more to hate). "Um, Milli's sooo hot. There was that picture of you standing with him? I couldn't believe my teacher knew him! So, lucky!"

Me or her, I wasn't sure what she meant, nor did I care a shred. She hadn't gone away, though. If she was waiting for me to say something, she'd be waiting a long time, because I was already turning back to the pile of papers, beckoning to me.

"Sooo…? Would you give that to him, please?"

The big watery eyes worked on most the boys, but, I admit, not me. "If I see him. Sure, whatever."

"Thank you, professor. You are so cool!" she gushed and pranced away.

"Yeah, right." I was cooler than _Reyka _on ice, in an ice bar, in Iceland. I was practically chilled to the bone I was so layered in frost.

I was left there staring down at that letter that was probably more than a simple love note; it marked the end...of everything. No doubt, once Milliardo found out that he got a note from the hottest girl on campus, and a BIG FAN, he'd follow the standard routine and pursue her—and abandon me.

And yet, it wouldn't make sense for me NOT to give it to him. I mean, maybe this was it, my freedom. Maybe I could pass it along and leave him behind knowing that he'd be happy. I could do that, I mean, what was I waiting for? I could never tell him how I felt; I was his FRIEND. And I could never give as much of myself as I wanted to; he'd never want to relinquish his freedom or the possibility of succeeding to the throne someday- for me. So what was the big deal?

I decided I would set him free and detach myself from the whole fantasy before I ruined everything. Just retain our friendship, I sighed. And it hurt me to think of letting him go, but it was time I faced facts and realized that we just weren't meant to be. I was just wasting my time, and his.

I closed the door and sat at the desk, and even though it was against my better judgment, I read the note. I had to look.

The folded pages made a quite thick document, spouting the most eloquent words professing her love. It was just beautiful. It's funny how a strange girl could so easily sum up every feeling I've ever had for Milliardo in one letter. I couldn't have written it better myself. If I could have written such a thing myself, I couldn't have done a better job. It was everything... it said everything I wanted to say to him myself.

_Ancestors!_ I was handing him his next conquest and she was perfect. And down at the bottom it was signed 'The one you've been waiting for'. Kind of a brash ending if you asked me, but I was sure he would fall for it. I mean she was the one ALL guys were waiting for, and since she didn't put her real name, I figured this meant that I'd be forced to pass on further notes and gauge reactions from my... friend. Play the middle man until it was risk free for the both of them, until they got together.

Sigh. My inner voice chided me for my weakness. _Be strong Chang; this is what you want. Right?_ _Say "right"._

My outer voice took up the charge and ran with it. "Shut up! Wrong! It's not what I want. I want Mill! Wrong, wrong, wrong!"

But … then I said "right" to appease my inner voice.

I spelled it "wright" to get even, nevertheless.

I was nervous, jealous, depressed, but I said I would deliver the note and I would. I wanted to toss the note out, but she was a student of mine. I said I'd do it and now I had to.

"But when?" I pondered.

_Soon. The sooner the better._

I needed to trample my inner voice for being so asinine.

_You'll get to see him._

And crush it into oblivion for being so duplicitous.

"Wright."

I slept poorly with Milliardo on my mind (he belonged in my bed, damnit!), which really meant that I hadn't actually been sleeping at all. "I'd sleep far better with him on my bed," I muttered aloud to myself, who wasn't listening.

I slipped out of bed, picked up my clothes from the floor by the bed, and dragged them wearily over my body. I headed for the door. I stopped to awkwardly tie my running shoes by the front door, and then I stepped out onto the front porch.

The cool, damp air felt good against my skin. Goose bumps prickled up my arms. I wandered aimlessly out onto the road, staring up at the writhing fingers of fog. I could run, I thought. Heero ran to clear his head. I started walking down the road, my head tilted back, breathing cold air into my throat, getting dizzy as I watched the sky crawl past. Fuck running. I didn't have much idea of where I wanted to go, but I could just as well do it walking. It felt good to be out freezing my ass off. I deserved nothing better than to be caught in an icy-cold downpour.

My feet pounded rhythmically for blocks. Climbing up and back down a slight hill provided a pleasant stretch. There were few streetlights, but the moon glow was bright enough to see by.

When fatigue threatened the collapse of my limbs right there in the center of the sidewalk, I tottered over to the small public park at the edge of the university. There was a playground and picnic area. I sat on a bench with my head tilted back, breathing slowly, deeply. I felt a surreal calm. It was better than the maniacal head spin from which I'd been suffering.

I noticed the university bell tower glowing in the moist haze, and thought about Heero and Duo. Heero once told me they'd had sex up there at the top. They actually hadn't, but he imagined what it would be like and then I had dashed the idea. "What if the bells went off?"

"Oh, they would," he'd grinned back, despite my attempts to discourage his train of thought, testing my forbearance. That tower was visible from nearly every point in town and I didn't want the image of Heero and Duo having sex up there in my mind every time I saw it! "They most certainly would."

Indeed. Too late. Image pressed, mold created, ready for repeated processing.

I remember the embarrassment I'd felt. Heero had never used sexual innuendo in a conversation with me; not one about Duo, that is. He was so hung up on that guy, but then, what would one expect? Duo was a character. Just thinking about him brought a smile to my lips now. I no longer could recall how I'd felt about him as teenagers fighting the war.

How did that tune go that Duo was always humming? "Something new's got old; something warm's grown cold-"

As much as I wanted not to be gay, I knew I was. I could find a woman and marry, father children and be something or other, not especially happy. I wouldn't marry a man. What was the purpose of that? I could live with one, and might, but whom?

Milliardo Peacecraft? There could be no future for me with Milliardo, since we were worlds apart. _Weren't we?_ Wasn't that the main problem? His world included, whether or not he would admit to it, a straightforward succession to the throne; he'd have to face that responsibility sooner or later, probably sometime soon, something far more profoundly serious and important than pleasing me. I was a simple scholar destined to remain in the university fold until death did we part, nothing more.

I could already feel the bonds of our friendship growing deep and I wasn't so stupid as to blow that with an attempt at a fling, which could only amount to nothing except to give him another person to avoid in the future.

Sadness filled my heart. The organ which pumped my life's blood swelled to bursting. This was how Heero must have felt, how he'd tried to explain to me about missing Duo after another of their monumental fights. Duo clung to him in spirit, lifting him up and dragging him down. _Poor Heero, how he must suffer!_

Well, Maxwell could do that to you. Even _I _felt Duo's presence at times. Like now, in fact. It was as if Duo was with me, telling me something. Like he was watching me and trying to _steer_ me onto a different path.

_But that wasn't possible, was it?_ Duo wasn't even in town. He wasn't on the same continent. I didn't even know if he was on our planet. Probably not if he was off visiting Howard and the Sweepers.

So, was the self-proclaimed God of Death suggesting I take a leap of faith? Superstition directed the decisions of many of my ancestors. But I may or may not have made it clear that my much esteemed ancestors had turned their backs on me, stopped listening. _Well, fuck them._

I'll just choose another irrational cultural belief system- Heero's might do. Maybe if I closed my eyes and kept walking, then, when I opened them next, I would find my own true love—like at that shrine in Japan Heero once told me about:

"You both stand at opposite ends, back to a rock. Close your eyes and walk towards one another. If you reach the other person, then you have found true love."

"What if you don't?" I'd asked him. "What then?"

He'd shaken his head. "I don't know. I never tried, but if you don't try, you won't ever know." He'd been talking about his own serpentine path to enlightenment, but it fit with mine as well.

I softly sang Duo's song, but it changed as I repeated the verse: "Something old is returning new; something cold's becoming warm."

_How portentous! Oh, well, significant, perhaps, but the meter was shit_. I never was the poet—that was Duo.

Which led my thoughts back to Milliardo. Always back to Milliardo. I wasn't the strong warrior anymore. I was weak. No. I didn't feel weak, exactly. I had my own moment of enlightenment and came to the conclusion that life was short and all my arguments against taking action were ridiculous. I should just "man up" and talk it out with Milliardo and not with the imaginary version of him inhabiting my head. That version of Mill was beginning to sound too much like me.

Thanks, Duo, I think I understand it now.

{editor's note: about time, dimwit.}

* * *

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**Braid**

Chapter Seven

* * *

**(o) Wufei's POV**

_How long had I been sitting in the park woolgathering?_ Shivering to set my teeth to chattering was enough to get me back on my feet. For an hour or more, I walked fast to get my blood moving. When I paid attention to my surroundings, I realized that I was quite close to Milliardo's Sanc estate- well, house. It was small. Bigger than a hut, smaller than a manor. An abode. _Dear, ancestors, what nonsense I was muttering!_

He told me that he avoided the repaired Sanc Palace, leaving that to" Relena and their family portraits", and lived in a _cottage_ in a very ordinary college neighborhood. I knew it, of course, because I'd walked past it on numerous occasions when I didn't know who lived there and a couple times (countless) since I did know. He hadn't said whether it was a rental or he owned it or whether or not he was planning to stay in Sanc for long or go gallivanting around the universe again. I knew nothing of his plans for the future, but I knew where he was living, and that's where my feet were carrying me.

Two blocks, I thought. Just walk to the end of the street, turn left, walk two blocks. Off-white house. Maple tree in the front yard. I stood restlessly, shifting my feet in that direction.

_I'll just look._

My fingers worked at my stress-stiffened neck as I walked, this time counting the trees I passed. I counted. I knew how many trees were before his trees. _How lame could I be?_

Not as lame as my legs. My legs deteriorated as I moved closer. _What a feeble mess I was!_

Not only my limbs, but my ability to reason was deteriorating rapidly.

_What day of the week was it, and why couldn't I recall what Mill had told me? Would he be in? _

Seeing the house jolted me back into the here and now. _He wouldn't be home tonight_.

I remembered, _now_ that I had walked all the way, that he had mentioned visiting his sister. The house seemed empty, so that was probably right. There were no lights on. There was no car in the drive; he wasn't likely to be home. I let out a shaky breath. _Well._ _Wasn't that a fine cauldron of soup?_ _Now what? Crawl home?_

_Apparently not._ My feet took off on a path of their own choosing. The gravel in the drive crunched under my shoes, loudly. I winced at the noise, dropped my hand from my stiff neck, slowed down. _I'm just looking._

I pushed open the unlocked gate and minced around back. His patio was tiled with shale slabs, hard and quiet. I crept up the steps, and across towards the back door, feeling slightly detached from my actions. I didn't really know what I wanted or why I thought I wanted whatever it was I wanted or what I thought I was doing at his house, if he wasn't there. _I wish I could shut off my brain and its ceaseless questioning and defending, is what I really want!_

My body hummed with nerves and tiredness and cold; my eyes were dry and wide. _I should just go home._ But instead, my fingers slid over the wooden doorframe, and I rested my forehead against it. I wanted in. I wanted to lie on the couch and hold Milliardo naked. _Let me in!_

I went as far as pull open the screen door to get at the main door. Of course, it didn't open. I was pressing a locked door. _Idiot!_

My arm jerked back compulsively and the screen door slammed shut, hard, making a loud noise, which up to then I'd successfully avoided. Spooked, I jumped backwards looking around.

I had been certain that no one was home, but now? _I am certain he is here._

My heart was beating erratically, when Milliardo appeared out of the mist. He called out softly, "Wufei? That is you! What are you doing out here so late?"

_Mist?_ I blinked repeatedly to clear my vision. Very localized mist remained and appeared to be contained in the back yard. _Rising over a hot tub enclosure. Of course, you nitwit!_

The man had been in the hot tub, but now he greeted me with a towel wrapped casually around his waist and steam rising off his overheated naked body- quite a sight for my sleep-deprived eyes.

He moved closer, right up beside me so that I could feel his warmth penetrate my frosted exterior. "I only just returned home a few minutes ago and needed… something to relax- damned woman."

_Woman?_ _What damned woman had he been seeing? _ I stood in thought a moment. _Yes! Relena, his sister. He'd been meeting with her. _

His nose rested lightly against my cheek. It burned away all thoughts of Relena, and I groaned and slid my face against his. The feeling was insanity.

My body roused. My sleeping brain jerked. My mouth opened involuntarily, and I felt myself slipping back. I was becoming an open wound again.

One of his hands gripped my arm, probably saving me from falling and cracking my skull open on the slate tile—talk about wounds. Another hand slid underneath my neck, cradling my head—another good idea. His lips scraped along my jaw towards my lips.

"Oh!" A pained sound convulsively exited my throat as he covered my lips with his.

_Ohyesohyesohyesohyes!_

His hot tongue slid in past my teeth and pulsed next to mine. Desire speared my heart and sliced from my chest to my groin. Even my thighs ached. My body strained backwards, arching up to meet his mouth. He teased my lips, withdrawing his tongue, nibbling on them, swiping his tongue possessively across them.

An irrational craving swelled in me. I could burst with need!

"You are so sweet," he breathed against my swollen mouth, "Oh yeah... you taste so sweet."

I made a nonsensical moan. What other sound could I make but the sound that matched my weak and muddled insides?

"I've missed you," he nibbled my lips again, little licks and bites.

_Ancestors!_ I had to pull away, but I was weak, so weak and unworthy. I felt like I was trying to swim upwards through sludge. I didn't want to think about sludge! Then his mouth moved to my neck, nuzzling my head back away from my shoulder, exposing my flesh, feasting on it.

I cried out, losing my restraint. My hand clutched convulsively at his head, pressing it against me, and I was lost.

And then it all stopped! He pulled away. _Get back here!_

"You're freezing! How insensitive of me!"

_Nononononono! Who cares if I get a little frost bite? I'm burning up inside! _

"Come warm up in the hot tub. You'd like that, right?" he asked, gently leading me that way.

"Uh, yes, but I didn't bring anything to wear." Yes, I actually said that.

I noticed the stiff object in my pocket, poking me in the arm as he steered me forward. That girl's love letter. I still had that damned thing with me. I knew it was time to hand it over, and give away the love of my life. He'd know her. He'd want her, too. _What man wouldn't?_

Well_, me,_ but I was gay and I hated her, because she was everything I couldn't be and Milliardo could appreciate that. He'd dated women as well as men. He could have anything, literally, he wanted, and that letter would seal the deal for her. I should have thrown it out, but then what would my ancestors have thought of that unjust act?

My inner voice had an answer to that. _Criminal! Perverted criminal!_

I was trembling uncontrollably, and I used the last few moments of foolish mental flagellation to look upon his face for what was very likely to be the last time- before he left me behind.

It took every bit of strength and courage that I had, but I gave it to him. I actually GAVE the fucking love letter to him! Not too bright, and yet I was nearly a professor in the university system. (What does that say about our educational system?)

I didn't want to see him read it. I practically threw him the letter and said, "Here...Here! Take it. It's for you."

He took the crumpled note and gripped it in his teeth. I was shivering uncontrollably, so he helped me out of my shoes and clothes, and then into that steaming cauldron of pleasure.

We kissed and touched and held each other for countless minutes. It was restorative. My mind re-engaged. It was then that I moved around to the other side of the hot tub, avoiding his disturbing intimate contact. _What makes me think that it's my turn to be happy for a change?_

All my friends had gone off and found their true loves, and while they may have thrown them away, at least they had been happy once. It seemed everybody had had love dropped in their lap. _But not me_. I had to search and struggle to find love, and when I finally found it, it was for someone I could never have. I suppose life was meant to be punishing for some people, but that was no reason to string out my own torment.

He was trying to talk sensibly to me, but I would have nothing of it, naturally. "Wufei? Are you all right?" Wufei!"

"What? What! Milliardo?"

"I asked how you felt...about me. That's why you came here...tonight, right?"

_Was it?_ "Did you read the note?"

Milliardo shook the water off a hand and delicately opened the note and read it completely. He smiled.

"Yeah?" I said, trying to sound as normal as possible.

"Wufei, you must move closer," he said.

He was obviously excited about the note, and I knew it would be torture to hear him talk about it.

_Great. Is this my chosen punishment for having aimed too high? To suffer through hearing him talk about his new love life and future sex life?_ _Rubbing it in my face, reminding me what I have given up, and that I have lost out for no other reason than I am too fucking scared to open my damned mouth and say something when I have the chance?_

I thought about making up an excuse, but I just couldn't say "no" to him that night. "Okay...okay," I repeated, just as dull both times.

The look on his face was indescribable, so full of light, so full of joy. It only made him ten times more beautiful. "Wufei...I don't know what to do with myself! I'm speechless."

He was practically jumping up and down. It was almost funny seeing him so happy. I would have laughed, if I hadn't been hurting so much.

"So you read the letter?" The words squeezed by my gritted teeth, past my compressed lips.

"Absolutely. I'm really surprised! I'd never have had the guts to put my feelings in a letter. A poem or something, maybe, but... This is so… remarkable, really. I've been dreaming about it, but I never thought I had a chance in hell!"

_Ha!_ The very thought of Milliardo thinking he didn't have a chance in hell with ANYBODY was downright ridiculous. I mean, if not her, someone at the university was bound to fall for him sooner or later. ALL the girls and a good portion of the males everywhere across the universe seemed susceptible to his charms, if the media reports were to be believed.

_Well, bravo for me. _That little note really made him happy, happier than I ever would have, probably. I decided it was time to cut my losses and move on; at least, I knew he'd have someone. _Play the martyr to the hilt, if nothing else._

_Ancestors, he's so special to me._ At any rate, I recognized without a doubt what love felt like. _Like I need that!_

"No chance?" I blurted out. I felt a touch of laughter tickling my ribs; I was far too close to hysteria to be talking. "Of course you had a chance, you're one of the hottest guys in all Sanc; you know that. Heh heh..."

"It did, it finally happened. Wufei...I just want you to know...that I feel EXACTLY the same way," Milliardo said, his smile threatening to rip is face apart if it got any bigger.

Well, at least I knew he liked this girl, too, wherever he'd heard of her or met her somehow before. I hadn't thought from the way she'd talked, that they'd ever met. _Maybe it had been written in the stars, a forgone conclusion?!_

_So what?_ Like I'd already acknowledged, he'd be happy. Maybe we'd still get together once in a while. Maybe they'd break up in a few weeks and he'd need a shoulder to cry on. I'd be here for him if he needed me. I'd always be there, pathetic little creature that I'd become.

"Good, I'm glad. I hope it all works out," I said, forcing onto him all the false well wishes that I could muster. _It hurts, oh ancestors, it hurts! _

But this was what he wanted and what I wanted for him. _Terrific._ I would have something to look back at twenty years from now when I might want to remember what true love really felt like as it was being stripped from my soul.

That's when something happened that let me know something wasn't quite connecting here.

Milliardo hugged me tightly around the neck, saying, "It will work out, Wufei, because I've never loved anybody else this much. I love you, too, Chang Wufei, more than anything. Thank you."

"Eh?" _Was this for real?_

Then, before my brain could continue to process what was going on, and allow my imprudent mouth to say something remarkably inane or insipid or both or worse, he loosened his grip and kissed me on the lips. He took me completely by surprise and I felt weak, helpless, breathless. Shock got the better of me and I backed up, losing my balance and falling back against the side of the hot tub. I hit my head and slipped down beneath the water. All done in the most elegant manner possible, of course.

"Wufei? Are you okay?" Milliardo asked, half concerned, half grinning as he dredged me up.

I was just...I couldn't believe...my mind went completely blank. No words would come to the surface, some water spurted, but no words, no emotions could be described, or explained. I just sat there, dripping, coughing, wondering if it was all real, or if I was going to wake up in a second and have to put my Milliardo plushie up on the bookcase.

(And, no, I didn't really have a Milliardo stuffed toy, but I'd seen Heero's Duo-plushie.)

"Y-uh (cough, cough), I'm fine."

Milliardo regarded me, while I regained my senses. "You know, I just told you I loved you, too. You could look a little bit happier," he said jokingly, or not.

I don't know what made me say it the way I did, or why I couldn't just let down my defenses and enjoy the kiss. I had been waiting for him to say those words, and the second I did, I screwed it up and nearly gave myself a concussion in the process. _Well, that's why, of course._ I had knocked myself senseless, and now I felt I had to tell him the truth.

"Milliardo...I didn't write the letter, some girl named Amelia did."

"Oh, of course," he laughed.

But I looked at him, and he saw the truth in my expression. His joy faded quickly, and I saw his joyful face melt into one of utter misery that almost brought tears to my eyes. His smile was the first to go, then his eyes lost their youthful glow, then his shoulders dropped, then the rest of him transformed in sections to the sad figure that half-floated before me. He looked over again at the letter he'd left resting on the edge of the hot tub. The ink was smudged and blurring from the wet steam.

"You...you mean...you didn't write this? You're not...'The one I've been waiting for'?"

His voice expressed so much shame and despair, I couldn't answer him; I could only shake my head.

"Oh...oh God...Wufei...I'm so... shit, embarrassed. I...I...look, this didn't happen, okay. None of it, this never happened. I'm sorry. Just...just...forget about it."

When I looked up again, tears were welling in his eyes. He turned his back on me, attempting to hide his shame , but he was hurting and the pain was showing through his front and back, inside and out.

I sloshed over to him in the tub and put my arms around him from behind. _Why can't I say it?_ The mystery was gone, the risk was gone, and the love was real, so why couldn't I just say the damn words? They choked me, refused to come out, they betrayed me and forced themselves downward to hide away in the dungeon where I had kept them locked up. I needed a magic charm to disenchant my lips!

"Why? Why don't you want me?" Milliardo's voice caught in his throat. He was fighting back a sob. "Oh damnit, Wufei, if you don't want me I'm not worth the air that I breathe."

I hugged him tighter, wishing I had the strength, wishing I could just say it, just once. I was crying harder than he was, and then, as if on reflex, I stood out of the water and kissed him on the cheek.

"STOP IT!" he shouted, pulling away from me. "Don't you see, you're making it worse? I thought you were above all those others, better than they were. And then if you could love me, then I must be good, too. That I deserved you somehow. Now I know how much it hurts. God, I couldn't help it Wufei, please believe me. It's just, you're so wonderful, you treated me like a real person and you listened to my problems. You were the first person I ever trusted. I just...I just couldn't..."

He hit the water with his fist sending a flood rushing out of the tub and repeated how sorry he was for everything, and it ripped a hole in my very being, but it didn't break the seal on my imprisoned lips! It didn't open the dungeon!

Then, out of nowhere, the magic vault opened. It was as if someone had turned an enchanted key—no, not just someone, Duo. _Duo, of all people_! I pictured his face telling me what he knew I needed to hear, what he enlightened me about, more than once, "Don't wait too long".

The chamber holding my heart's desires opened and out rushed all these words to my lips, rocketing to the surface, stale from being held captive for such a long time. It still wasn't easy to say. First, I merely mouthed the words, and then they turned into a whisper, shy, low speech. But the spa's jets blasted on and Milliardo couldn't hear me. Chang Wufei, always smooth.

"Milliardo!" I punched him.

"W-what?"

I'd definitely "gotten inside his mellow", as Duo might say. I was clearly channeling Duo.

{editor's note: who better?}

I pointed to the jet controls and he nodded. When the bubbles subsided, I stagger-spoke on.

"Er, ah...give me a moment. I want to get this right. I don't want to have to go back and say it again because I screwed something up. I just hope...I mean...I like you and everything and all but..." I was stalling and baulking stupidly.

"You came here, tonight...all this...to what? Reject me formally or something?" Milliardo gasped incredulously.

"No! NO! No, sorry...no. I just don't know how to tell you...how much this means to me...how much you mean to me."

His eyes dilated I could feel his muscles in his legs and arms relax, so I hastily went on.

"Look, I like all the touching and kissing and all, but I want this to be more than just about that, okay? It is more than just that, right? I mean, for you too? It's more than just-"

"-Just physical attraction," he said at the same exact instant that I did.

I gasped, "Yes. I don't want us to be about just... physical attraction. I mean, there's plenty of that… plenty! But, I want more from you, Milliardo. That's all. I just needed to get that out in the open."

"Very wise to do that. And I want more than that... too," he said slowly. "But I want to hear you say it… to me."

That's when I felt myself floating so that I lay across him, my chest pressing against his chest. I put my mouth right next to his ear and whispered the lovely words, the delightful lilt of them getting easier and easier to say each time. "I love you, Milliardo. More than anything. I love you, I love you, I love you."

I kissed his warm, prickly chin, and this time I took the time to enjoy it. I felt him relax even more, his head turning slightly to allow me to kiss more of his skin. It was at that point that I realized exactly what I was doing! I was kissing him! I was kissing the man I admitted to loving, and he was letting me! And he loved me too! Oh wow! I could feel him breathing under me. My heart raced, my head spun, and I was so close to having everything that I could ever want in life that it scared me. I was actually terrified by the feelings that I had; the desire to completely give myself over to Milliardo and become one with the man who had been slowly changing my life.

"I love you. I want you to love me for real and nobody else."

That made him moan out loud, and his arms stretched out in front of him as he arched his back and stretched underneath me. I felt his smooth body tense up, and my hands traveled down the subtle curves of his sides. While he was stretching, his body became tight and firm, like having a cat stretch underneath me.

I whispered again, "I need you Milliardo. Just say the words, please say you'll be mine, just mine."

Milliardo moaned again, even louder. My voice was turning him on something fierce, and it made me feel so good to know I was arousing him beyond his wildest dreams. My body was numb with excitement, my mind was lost in the moment, and my heart, my poor abused heart, found a new purpose, and it seemed to pick up an extra beat, just for him.

"Pleeeeaaase Milliardo, say it. Say I can have you. I want you, I want you so bad." I knew it was driving him crazy, I knew he was insane with passion, and I wanted to fulfill his every fantasy. I wanted him to know my love was forever, and that his spectacular beauty, as well as the gentle side of his spirit and good natured personality, had never once gone unnoticed.

"Is that… all?" He was only just audible.

"Well, I'll love you and nobody else in return."

"Really?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay, Wufei, you convinced me. We'll do it your way..." he gave me a twisted smile and finished, "...since it happens to coincide with my way."

"Okay. Um...well, ah..."

"What now? Want me to sign something, to commit?"

"I think I should." I turned on my charm, ordinarily locked in the "off" position.

That startled him. His arms dropped.

"Where?"

"Here," I offered him my right arm.

"I haven't a pen on me," he said cautiously, not being the gaming sort that evening, I guessed.

"Use whatever's handy...like your tongue." Get it now lover-boy?

"My t-...? Oh," his smile returned.

He signed for hours, and then turned to Braille. He was conversant in several languages.

I don't know whatever became of that love note. We never spoke of it again.

**(o) Heero's POV **

Four damn years. I'd told him to wait four fucking long years before subjecting me to his advances again. It would be torture. _Why had I said that?_

Well, I was unstable around him, that part has been clear from day one. I hadn't expected Duo to have shaped his own unique version of "second thoughts" and come after me like that.

_Where were we now?_ What had all started out as a spark between two friends had grown into mutual attraction, which had snowballed into something more serious and, until now, unspoken. He claimed his desires for sex had matured into a feeling for me that went deeper. And, if I'd admitted it, the same was true for me. Importantly, we had had this tacit agreement not to go there and remain co-workers and friends. I thought that's what it was.

Had we actually talked about all that, had I _in particular_ talked to him, we might have worked something out. But what transpired was a complete failure on my part and a mortifying experience that ruptured our friendship.

There was this implicit agreement to remain friends, and then he had his second thoughts and told me how he felt and since I couldn't give him what he wanted, not at that time, I put him off. I was too damned possessive to just free him entirely. No, like the asshole I was, I told him to come back in four years.

That must have scared him. It scared _me_. And he ran away.

I didn't learn how he dealt with all the emotional flack until later. I'm not sure if things would have turned out differently for us, had we talked things over like two adults, but it would have saved us both some heartache.

Instead, I made quick work of moving on, settling into my challenging class schedule, while he made a new life on L2.

And then another monumental event took place.

* * *

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Braid**

Chapter Eight

* * *

**(o) Wufei's POV**

I walked on air after that, when I walked. Much of the time I simply sailed through classes, discussions, lectures, floating on a cloud, a headwind lofting me here and there. I'd never, _ever_ felt so happy.

My life had been suddenly elevated, taking the fast-track for transcendence of the body and mind to as close to Enlightment as I could conceive.

You know, I should have expected what happened next.

Relena announced that her brother was ready to return to his position in the royal family and prepare to ascend the throne to become King Peacecraft of the Sanc Kingdom.

The report on the vid-phone sent me on a crash-and-burn course to earth. His cell was not accepting calls, whether just not mine or anyone's I didn't much care. I couldn't contact him and he didn't call me.

When I came down from my nirvana high, I hit hard, very hard, hard enough to leave an impression. Milliardo succeeded destroying a part of earth, where Zechs had previously failed.

I thought of that strange parallelism and raced to Heero's house. It was dark and raining hard in Sanc. Heero took me to a hotel near the shuttle port.

He told me it couldn't be true. Milliardo would not be so cruel as to toss me aside without a word. It was all a mistake and he would get to the bottom of it. He had a theory.

What I needed was comforting and he gave that to me in every way possible.

The next day he sent me on my way to stay with Quatre, who had felt my sorrow across the universe.

**(o) Heero's POV**

Because this was Sanc and the Peacecraft family had ruled the kingdom for some time, any bulletin concerning them made headline news:

_Milliardo, Relena announced, was reassuming his title of the Prince of Sanc. Complete with service and duties including marrying and producing an heir to the throne-. _

I was surprised. Wufei had told me they had reached an understanding, and since I knew he wasn't an easily-deceived fool, even when in love, I determined the newscast was untrue. I shut off the vid feed. No more than an hour later there was a knock on my door.

Wufei stood at the entry, soaking wet from the rain. He looked terrible. "Heero."

"Wufei?" He looked awful.

"Have you heard?" he said, voice husky.

I could see the strain of travel, lack of sleep, and something else—bloodshot eyes. _Had he been crying?_

"The news about—?"

"—Milliardo," he finished for me in a hoarse whisper. He could hardly talk.

I put out a hand to steady him. He was terribly shaken. "Yeah, but… would you like to come in?"

He shook his head. "I can see you're entertaining. I should have called. I'll just go now."

I stopped him. "It's a discussion group, and they are about to leave."

His eyes rose to meet mine, that proud face awash with grief. "I was his lover. He didn't even warn me!"

I gripped his arm as much to keep from falling on my face in shock as to steady him. "Wait." I turned and shouted into the front room at the students seated around my coffee table, books and notes open. "I have to go now. Just lock up when you leave."

Quatre would know what to do, but he wasn't here. I decided to send Wufei to Quatre the next day, but for tonight, it was up to me to help him heal. I called a cab to take us to a hotel, got us a room, and helped him out of his shoes and coat.

He stood and stared out a crack in the curtains, watching the rain. I rinsed out my mouth, stripped and climbed into the king-sized bed. And waited. I didn't expect to sleep. The last thing I remember seeing was Wufei gazing out the window through the parted curtain. How long he stood there I had no idea. I may have felt the mattress move or not. Time must have passed but if you know how it is when you sleep lightly, it seems as if you never slept at all. I was aware of the body of a man at my side. Something about a man, the heat they generate, the scent, whatever. It was soothing. I became aware of his breathing, coming in spasms and jerks; Wufei was crying.

I had to do something, so I turned and whispered, "Come here."

"Oh, Heero..." he wrapped me in his sadness.

There we lay for some time. Not too long. I drew his face down to match mine and kissed him. He reacted with immediate passion. As if by kissing me he could reanimate his absent lover. It sure kindled the fires in me, and I reacted in kind. Kissing Wufei is like no other man, no comparison. His gentleness and softness had no match. We lay like that for the longest time, just kissing.

When I touched his bare skin, he sighed, "Please?"

I helped him remove my clothing and let him love me. It was a form of healing for us both. Repressed passions were unleashed and we poured our hearts and souls into expressing our needs and desires. It was unreal in all aspects. He loved me thoroughly and completely and I loved him in return. It was a mutual breakdown.

And when we were spent and had no more energy to put into another lovemaking session, we lay enwrapped in each other's arms and slept. Not long, because our minds were not at rest. Our bodies were exhausted; they had given up their energies, but not our minds. We had to talk.

"I do love you, Heero."

"I know, and I love you too, but..."

His low chuckle cut me off. "Why is there always a 'but'? A 'however'? A 'still'... an 'and yet'... an 'on the other hand...'? Always a _clause_ !"

He sighed and rolled onto his back. "I love you, but... I'm in love with Milliardo. You love me, but... you're in love with Duo. I'm in love with Milliardo and he's in love with me, but I can't be a part of this new Sanc royal life of his. He loves me, but he needs to be the ruler Sanc requires. We want to marry and have a family, but that can only happen...outside Sanc and that would tear up the line of succession, or some such nonsense, and Milliardo-"

He turned his face away, scrubbed at his eyes with a fist before turning back to say, "You are in love with Duo and he loves you, but you both can't see that in loving one another you don't lose yourself, that you gain everything you need to find your true self. You love Duo, but can't tell him for fear of his rejection. He loves you but is terrified of your denial and eventual dismissal. You both don't want to show weakness and need, but you are weakening yourselves out of need for love. You are afraid of failure and so you fail, but-"

I held him tight enough to shut him up. He knew me too well and I didn't want to hear his truths or correct his wrong impressions. Not now. Wufei had acquired a grasp of relationship complexities very quickly, but now wasn't the time to fine-tune them.

"Well, at least you and I have reached an understanding. We are not meant to be together." I smiled and he forced one of his own.

"Not you and me, no."

"So, how are we to combat the forces driving us from our 'true' loves?"

"I don't know that we can," he said with much sadness.

I dismissed his hopelessness with a snort. "We can and we will. You say Milliardo said nothing to you?"

"N-no." He made a face when he stuttered. "No warning at all."

"Was he in the habit of keeping secrets from you?"

"Not important things, that's why this… is so terrible."

"No hints of pressure being applied to make a move like that?"

"Well, that, yes. He met with Relena, once or twice that I know of, and complained how she wanted to get out from under the 'yoke' and that it was his rightful place…ah. But he told me about those meetings and he turned her down."

"I will have to give her a call, then. It's possible this announcement was made without his approval, or he was forced against his will, possibly jailed. He hasn't tried contacting you?"

"No! That's what I've been saying here! That's made this doubly hard." Wufei raked the loose hair away from his face. "And he hasn't returned any of my calls!"

"It would be cowardly of him to act without facing you first. Milliardo may be many things, but he's no coward. This warrants some looking into immediately."

We parted company the next day, with me dropping Wufei at the shuttle port to visit Quatre for a while.

"Take care," he said with a brotherly kiss to my forehead.

"You too," I said. I truly wished him well. "I'll get to the bottom of this—"

"No! No, please don't. Let me take care of this in my own way… and time. You've given me what I need—some courage and self-confidence, and the rudiments of a plan."

I let him convince me. "Okay, but I'll call you soon."

I ran into Trowa at the campus coffee shop and he agreed with me that "something smelled in Denmark", which he translated to mean that if "the psychopath wanted to break up with Wufei, he wouldn't need to contrive major political action as a cover story."

"By the way," he drawled.

"Yes?"

"I recommend you ring Duo, or better yet, visit him on L2 over your next break. Just saying."

If he and Duo had talked, he didn't tell me what they had talked about, but instead just dropped that hint and left me to mull it over.

**(o) Wufei's POV**

While I was still numb and with Quatre on L4, I took a leave of absence from the university, and charted a shuttle to L5 where I could see for myself the re-building progress. There, I learned skilled people were in short supply. Pilots, engineers, technical personnel, even book-wise men like me could make a difference.

I called Heero with the news. "One year of service here and my PHD is awarded," I told him.

"Are you really going through with it?" he asked.

"I think so. I was wondering if you'd consider it for yourself?"

"I'll have to think about it, Wufei. To be honest, if it were just me, I'd jump at the opportunity, but—"

"You just got back together with Duo," I finished for him.

"Not yet, but it's… possible—"

"Then of course you want to stay put. Forget I asked, please. Don't worry about it—"

"Stop talking for a second! I wasn't finished saying what I was saying. I was going to _say_ that Duo's on L2 and I'm in Sanc, which isn't conducive to a meaningful relationship. But- we could both have a future on L5. I'd like to call him now and discuss this."

And so, with a shattered heart, I prepared for a new adventure; one that was worthwhile and utilized my skills and talents, while others gave it serious consideration.

**(o) Heero's POV**

I was curious how Duo lived among the "natives" and missed him sorely. Trowa never wasted advice, so I took his recommendation to heart and called Duo.

"Hi."

"That you,'Ro? Long time no hear. Something brewing?"

"Not really. I was wondering—"

"Wanna come over and see my digs?" he asked, then laughed. "Heh, heh, that's a joke. It's pretty comfy here. L2's been getting some of that reconstruction money we've been taxed to the hilt to support."

"Okay."

"Okay, what?"

"I'd like to come over and see your digs."

"Um, where are you?"

"Sanc, but in two days I can be on L2."

"Cool."

We made tentative plans with no mention of our previous encounter at my house. No mention of a four year waiting period, either. Just like that, we were back to being friends.

**(o) Trowa's POV**

I couldn't catch up with Quatre again for several months, six terribly lonely, agonizing months! Med school demanded everything I had to give and more. His work sapped the life out of him. So had a deeply emotional meeting with Wufei, who was hurting from a failed love affair.

When I had a holiday break, Quatre and I agreed to meet on his terms, meaning on L4, but not at any of his family's compounds. Rashid cast a long shadow and I wanted out from under it.

He met me at the shuttle terminal with a smile and a one-arm clasp. That showed more intimate contact than was usual for him, and this was on L4, land of the gay-haters.

"The taxi will take us to the resort," he said.

"Okay."

Conversationally, we covered the weather and the benign topics _au currant_. He stared out the window, probably checking that the driver took the shortest route.

"Trowa?"

"Yes?" When I searched his eyes, I saw promise. "It's going to be all right," I told him.

"Hmm." He closed his eyes and rested his head against my shoulder.

Check-in went smoothly, as one would expect when traveling with the scion of the largest manufacturing company on the satellite.

"Is the room, okay?" he asked me once we'd walked through the spacious suite with a cosmic view.

"Yes. I'll see to this," I said. I stepped away and spoke to the young man delivering our luggage, handed him a small parcel wrapped in real Sanc bills, which I guessed to approximate his monthly income.

"Yes, sir! I'll see to it personally!"

Quatre had missed the entire episode, being transfixed by the view, the gentle curve of the satellite ring and a tiny sliver of darkness beyond. I joined him and wrapped him in my arms from behind.

There we stood watching time pass and soaking up each other's warmth.

I broke away at the sound of a knock on the outer door. "My surprise," I said, kissing his ear.

The same baggage porter entered the room wheeling a cart. "By the window?" he asked.

"Sure." Where else? That was where the only table sat.

He set out two place settings, opened a bottle of champagne, and removed the silver dome revealing a fancy lemon cake topped with real flowers. "Enjoy!"

He winked at me and left without making any more of a scene.

"Oh, Trowa! This is… lovely."

We picked our chairs and sat.

"Roses. My… this one… sparkles… OH!"

Using the tines of the fork, he teased the diamond ring from the cupped petals. "Oh, my."

All right. This was it. The moment I'd been deliberating over since he turned me down the first time.

"It's for you; that is, if you'll have me this time. Quatre, I want to share my life with you...now...not in a year or when the planets align or ... when we aren't too busy. I love you. I've been in love with you for so long I can't...well, I _could_ calculate it, but that's hardly romantic."

He was smiling and blushing and looking from the ring to me. I didn't want to stop talking and hear his answer.

"Quatre, I can live without you, I've _had _to, but it's dreadful. You make my life complete and whole and worthwhile. If you say 'yes', I'll do whatever I can to make time for you, for us. I'll tell the residency doctor I have to make a change. I'll..."

"Yes."

"I'll..." _**Did he say 'yes'? He did! He DID!**_ "Yes? You-?"

"Yes, I want you too, Trowa! I'm ready this time."

And I know, sitting there holding his hand, the artificial light glowing in his jubilant eyes, that I was the happiest man in the universe, the luckiest too. And I know, it wasn't all because I did it right this time, I know it wasn't the size of the rock, sizable as it was, it was because I meant what I had said, the time was right, we were both ready to build a life for each other (that and it was a really great stone Heero helped me pick out and Duo insisted that I get bigger than the first one I'd chosen).

We finished the meal, and took a walk. The evening with holiday decorations sparkling from artificial trees had lured other patrons out for a stroll to window shop or to dine and watch the passersby. We held hands and talked, my mood bouncing between ecstatic and euphoric.

We loitered in front of one shop window. I could see both of our reflections- two people, glowing in love. On closer observation, I didn't see beauty and the beast. I didn't see the wealthy heir taking pity on the circus clown. I saw a couple joined in the excitement of their pending future together, making a new life together, forever. I felt seven feet tall and completely worthy of Quatre's love. I saw myself as Quatre did for the first time in my life. I was just a guy, in love with a most remarkable man and I thought my heart would just plain burst standing there.

I thanked the all the deities my friends believed in: for bringing Quatre into my life, for giving me the love of this truly wonderful person, and for making me worthy of him at last.

**(o) Heero's POV**

After the longest finals week ever, I flew out to L2. I called when we landed and told him I'd take the commuter train to his sector and walk the rest of the way. As an excuse, I told him I needed the exercise. He laughed and told me he could use the time to "tidy up a bit". In actuality, I wanted to study the work done and being done for prospective engineering jobs. Just in case.

I had to guess the infrastructure had been upgraded to handle all the upgrades and meet all the new requirements and universal standards; without a tour, I couldn't inspect it. I saw many new buildings with very nice colony workmanship, of the old sort.

My area of concentration for my graduate studies was space construction. Using 3-D type printers using materials from nearby sources, lunar, meteoroid, planetary, one could afford to be experimental and creative. That was what I wanted to be a part of. L2 had already undergone much of its reconstruction, or the plans and contracts had already been awarded. If I found any work there, mostly likely it would entail small problem-solving tasks that were only a part of larger projects, nothing visionary. That was a disappointment, but one I'd been prepared for—the literature I'd read hadn't hinted at anything fresh going on.

His building was one of the newer ones; he'd prepared me. When I rounded the corner to his block, I saw him standing out front of the high rise. He waved. _That smile looks so good!_ My heart beat like crazy and I ran to meet him.

Gone were all thoughts of visionary designs. I could give up that dream just to be with him. _Couldn't I? That was the question, wasn't it?_

And as stupid as all I have written has sounded- and I know it is because I read over what I've written- I have to say, I have never sounded stupider than when I was in love. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I wanted to regain some of our intimacy, our mental connectedness. While he had been out traveling with Howard and the Sweepers and then settling into his new IT job, I'd been learning everything the Sanc university engineering program could offer me. We had lost months of time to him being here and me being in Sanc, and realized that I had no idea what had been going through his mind.

I wanted to know everything, and yet, I was hesitant to start. "Talking has only made our lives difficult," I told him, "but I want to know what's been going on in your head since you moved to L2."

"It's hard to say."

"Apparently, expressing ourselves is a problem we both share, and I don't mean just talking, but being open about how we feel and letting the other one in." I smiled uncertainly. "The University counselor told me that."

"Yeah, well." Duo met my eyes. "What do we do about it?"

I pushed him into the chair in his home office, brought up the word processor. "If you can't talk to me, then put it into words."

"Okay."

I roamed his apartment, made us tea, and gave him space while he wrote and wrote and wrote.

"Okay," he said. "I could go on but my hand's tired."

I couldn't wait to see what he'd typed.

"_I've felt...distracted and I have not been liking the feeling. Out in space, I stared out at that star field and relaxed. I could close my eyes and get lost reaching for a peace inside myself. I'd always felt that my flying time, especially when I was the passenger, was the closest I came to meditation, the closest I came to centering myself. That and out at that cabin, you know?"_

Our cabin. Yes, I knew. I looked up from what he wrote and smiled a little. "Evidently, an aching heart isn't something that ever escapes your memory."

"Especially if you're still suffering," he commented, turned aside so I could read the rest.

"_You were my first real in-love-with-him lover, my first real romance, so this had never come up before, this conflict with competition. And, to be honest, it wasn't really a problem until recently. Somehow the idea of you, Heero, finding someone else was far worse than the idea of you pulling back, loving me less." _

Who could he mean? I never had any other boyfriends. I blinked away tears and cast about for Duo. He'd stepped past my desk and was standing, eyes unfocused, looking out the office window, through the dark and across the parking to the dark line of trees in the distance. I returned to my reading.

"_Jealousy was something I'd thought I was beyond- if that was what it was. It seemed somehow sadder than just jealousy, but I didn't have much to compare it with. Guys never dumped me, I dumped them first. This was a first in so many ways. And not good at firsts. Something had to change, I knew. How did other people deal with this kind of feeling, I wondered?" _

Not well,I answered him in thought. I sat in silence. I followed his line of sight and found myself watching a clot of students trail in from their car towards the college building as if pulled by some silent signal.

"_In my head, you were mine. You'd kinda said so, but I knew you were also attracted to that Milliardo dude, and that you'd always loved Trowa and Wufei, too. No doubt about that. It was as if you could feel things for everyone, want to be with everyone- but me."_

I spoke up at that. "That wasn't true, Duo!"

He jumped at my sudden words and turned toward me. "What's not true?"

"I was so afraid of my feelings for you because they were strong. Frighteningly strong. Strong enough to drive me crazy at times and distract me from getting any work done. I didn't know how to deal with it or balance my wants with my needs. That was my problem. Not others! There was no one else in my life!"

"Not how I read it, Heero. Even your passion for engineering overwhelmed anything we had, especially how you felt for me. Okay, so like… you and Wufei were so close in a funny way and yet, it was he who told me you loved** me** and wanted** me** to love just you and only you. It's why I let you come this time."

"Oh." I understood now. "He said that?"

"It would have meant more coming from you, of course".

"I wanted to call you. Tell you…" I trailed off ineffectually.

"I understood, sorta, why you didn't say anything. I hadn't. This… feeling… was something new for both of us."

"So you felt all this for me, but you didn't seem to want someone to commit!" I shouted. "You'd never kept a guy around for more than a month, if that. I didn't want to be another… throwaway. And then I'd think you wanted me and you'd turn it back into a friendly gesture. I never knew what you wanted from me."

Duo shrugged. "Well, there you go. It seemed to me, that you were spending more time with Trowa or Milliardo or Wufei, while I was spending my time with the Sweepers and sometimes Quatre, and work. I hated it. I hated being apart from you at all and for so long and just when we had something good starting."

"You do like to block out the bad parts where we fought, and you ran off."

"You ran me off."

"All right. I'll admit that." I glanced back to what he'd typed and read the last part.

_"Are you thinkin' of me, 'Ro?" I'd whisper to the dark and the stars would blink "yes" then "no". I'd leave the viewing port and hide away in the galley. Howard would have something interesting to watch. He always chose good fantasy movies to take away the pain of reality-"_

"At least I wasn't suffering alone, when you and I were apart," I told him. I thought about what he'd written about clearing his head at our cabin and wondered if he'd consider re-building. _Was now the time to bring that up?_

He chuckled deep within his chest. A rumble like a storm on the way. "You worrying 'bout me not sufferin' enough over you? Shiiit, 'Ro, I tortured myself for years over you."

"How sweet," I grinned. "Tell me more."

* * *

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

Braid Chapter Nine

**(o) Heero's POV**

What I had to say about the cabin could wait. I wanted to hear him talk about things important to him, and I didn't want to staunch the free flow of Duo's information stream.

He took my hand and tugged. "How 'bout we talk in bed?"

"Okay." I liked having him at my fingertips. The intimate setting would be good for open talk, too. "Nice room."

"Thanks. It came furnished, but I bought the satin sheets just for you."

So smooth and slick. "Feels like skin." I was under the covers first so I could watch him remove his clothing at my leisure.

He shook his head and chuckled at my behavior. "Still good?" he asked.

"You or talking in bed?"

"Both."

"All good."

He slid between the sheets and cleared his throat while he thought of what story to tell me. He acted as if he was a little nervous but also a little excited. This was a new kind of fun- talking...about...stuff.

"'Kay, we were with the others at one of our graduation parties, remember? Out at the Sanc badlands where we'd just finished up with the conservation corps? Yeah, back then when you and me weren't understanding things very well at the time. I had wanted it to be us sharing a room at that cool resort, enjoying the spa. And we weren't. Then that last day, I had a sudden vision of you lying beside me on that mattress in our cabin and that you were wearing a lazy smile of contentment, and nothing else. Your eyes were fantastic, that deep awesome blue that seemed to see everything as you studied my face."

I gave him an encouraging smile.

He went on. "Well, nothing happened."

"Only in our heads, yours _and mine_."

He smiled at my confession. "Later, though, you came by my house in Sanc, remember that?"

"How could I forget?"

"Yeah, heh, heh. You sat there in that chair watching me with those eyes. I felt so vulnerable, caught in your eyes like that, so open. I hadn't felt that way before," he sighed. "Feels like a long time ago, now."

"A lot's happened," I said. "We're needing more now."

"Different and yet you're looking at me in kinda the same way."

Curious, I asked, "How?"

He sat up with his back against the headboard. "Studying me and liking what you saw. It really made me feel important. Cherished. I mean, you'd been a virgin before sleeping with me that day, and I am _still_ amazed that I was the one that you wanted."

Oh yeah, a sappy line like that bought him a kiss from me. "I was quite a catch, wasn't I? Go on," I said silkily and smiled back at him. This was fun. I liked the way he spoke to me. It was the poet in him coming out.

"The look in your eyes had been possessive, covetous even. And I liked being the object of that look much more than I could explain to you, or maybe even to myself. I just hoped you weren't sorry about what we'd done together. You said you were okay. I wished I'd just gone on and asked you to come home with me every day after that. What was the worst that could have happened? Eh! don't tell me! Hell, I know the answer to that, it wasn't as if it hadn't happened before. Eventually, you would have woken up in the morning and been furious with me, resentful or even...ashamed."

"Angry over something, maybe, but never ashamed," I assured him. And then I proved how I felt so as not to have wasted any more of our precious, private time together on conversation. But I was glad we had that talk. I learned something. Duo had been as unsure of me as I had been of him back then, even though he seemed so confident! I hoped I could make him feel more certain of me now.

The first kiss was a test, the second incorporated a few adjustments, and the third flowed seamlessly into the next ones. I loved how he felt against me and pulled him partly over my legs.

"Hey, before we get too involved here—"

_What had I done wrong?_

"Don't worry!" he put in quickly. "I want to get down and dirty," and he ran a hand between my legs to tease, in case my imagination was faulty, "but first-" He reached over the bed and pulled a small book off the side table. "-I got my book of poetry here," he said hesitantly.

"Let's see," I said, reaching eagerly for the notebook and wondering if he had written about me.

When he showed me his little worn book, I wasn't surprised. I think that disappointed him, me not acting shocked at his talent all hidden away or thrilled that he was letting me read it.

As I read them all, he watched me with a dark look on his face. Created from his carefully chosen words, each gem of a poem produced powerful images and intense emotions. I found them to be compelling and told him so and why.

We spent an entire evening analyzing Duo Maxwell through his poetry. He had to fix me dinner to keep me going. It was fun making him feel like the center of the universe; well, at least, my world for a while.

"This part's terrific. How the wind makes you feel, but here..." I waited for him see what I was pointing at. "Here you get all sappy."

"Sappy?" His serious expression disappeared in a wiser-than-thou smile, "It's a love poem, 'Ro. Ain'tcha ever felt that way before?"

"Yeah, but..."

"No 'but'. This is 'bout passion. I can hear it in your voice when you lecture. It's in the way you do your engineering stuff all focused and involved. And if you got passion, you got love. And if you got love, then you can be content. That's all I'm saying there."

"Just _content_? But, don't you want more once you're in love? And you want the other person to love you back so you're all worried about that happening and there's all these expectations you have to live up to and-"

"Now there you go gettin' all stirred up. Hell, 'Ro, you make life so difficult for yourself. None of that's gotta happen. You can just feel it and go with it. I tried to put that down in the poem. The wind filling me with love."

"But the wind changes direction and blows away-?"

He spanked me good-naturedly. "Stop bein' so ne-ga-tive!"

"Ouch!"

"And stop your whining," he chuckled and kissed me soundly.

I must have looked stunned.

"Good. Now be quiet a minute." He grinned at the stupid look on my face. "I think happy poems are hardest. Who feels like writing when their happy? Sad's easier and so's anger. Love's the hardest to express. Seems to be for me."

"Yeah," I agreed whole heartedly. "So, when did you write this one?"

"We were all at Quat's beach house." Duo smiled faintly at the memory of it, I supposed.

"Yeah, we always had a nice time there. So, you were thinking about Quatre when you wrote this?" I ventured.

"Not likely; it was probably about you, if it was sappy," he insisted.

I knew he wasn't going to really tell me the source of his inspiration then. "Let's see...it made your skin... 'clammy'?"

"Sometimes," he said slowly, his voice low and a smile spreading to his eyes. "Sometimes I'd be sweating. Sometimes a chill would settle upon me, then a flash of heat to sear my flesh away."

"Damn, that sounds awful– not like love at all," I told him.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." I smiled a slow, serene smile. "I think of love as stomach-churning confusion and a racing heartbeat."

He made a face at me. "And that's better?"

"No scorched flesh. Yes. You know, the more I learn about you, the better I know you, the more I like you."

"Ummm, that sounds promising. Possibly...passionate...?"

"Very possibly. I'd go as far as promising, particularly, passionate, but first-"

"No 'firsts'," Duo growled.

There was something odd, cautionary, about his tone of voice. _What triggered that?_ Thought I'd made it clear how I felt about him, and his poem pretty much summed up how he felt about me, I was sure.

"Why? Can't I say something more?"

_Why wasn't he saying more?_ He wasn't one to hold back entirely. So, I asked, "Aren't you going tell me how you can give me anything I want and make me all kinds of promises?"

"What? How did you reach that conclusion? I mean, if that's what you want, wealth or security, then you should have settled for someone else. I may look like one of the idle rich, but I work 9 to 5 five days a week. No, if it's _me_ you want, and then here I am, when you want. And if you don't, well, then there's nothing I can say to change that."

For all his profession of love, he didn't sound all that thrilled at the prospect all of the sudden. _Here we go again_, the reality setting in on us. I had the intense desire to have Trowa or Wufei, even, walk up and interrupt the awkward conversation RIGHT NOW!

"You don't sound too happy about it," I pointed out.

"Should I be?" he asked daring me to admit my feelings for him.

"I-I don't know...exactly..." I looked him straight in the eye. Now was the time to level with him. "This... passion unleashed inside me, let's say, that I needed...that I needed in order to feel complete and satisfied. I needed to be in love with my lover. I wanted it to be you, but you didn't seem to want me and I didn't want to share you with others. And then if it meant having to move to L2 to be near you? Tamping down my… passions… seemed my only choice."

"But, Heero, you said-"

"Oh, don't go throwing what I've said back at me. I've said a lot of stupid things over the years, all of them true at the time, maybe, but they don't hold true for me anymore. I... I..."

Duo gripped my shoulders and leveled his own killer stare at me, commanding, "Tell me."

It took courage, a great deal of it, to say "I love you" out loud. I wanted very much for Duo to hear me tell him so now, so I pushed my fears aside.

"I do… l-love you, but I want to go out to the badlands. I want to take you back to that place where you feel relaxed and tell you _there_ so you'll believe me." Sloppily said, maybe, but I did say it. Not that Duo seemed impressed by my admission or of my courage.

"Yeah? There?"

"Our cabin place."

"But it ain't there anymore, 'Ro. I told you how that burned down in the forest fire-"

"I know, but we could re-build it together—have it built. We wouldn't have to do much at all."

"That's good," he chuckled, "because we hardly have time together as it is."

"It would need to be a little different. Running water from the spring hooked up inside, with a water heater and a tiny bathroom and trucked-in propane."

Duo whistled. "Whew, baby. It would cost a lot."

"Consider it a late birthday present from me to you," I smiled at his incredulous expression.

"I have no birthday—'Ro?"

"Just think about it, okay?"

And that was the end of the conversation part of our evening together. I never knew how totally happy and... _contented_… I could be once I let myself fall in love with Duo Maxwell, and—most importantly- he loved me back.

Somewhere in the middle of my L2 visit, Wufei called to tell me he was thinking of going to L5 to work on the reconstruction project. He was going to call Trowa and Quatre with the news as well.

"It offers us all opportunities we couldn't get anywhere else." He sounded more excited about this than anything else I'd ever heard him rail on about.

I finally got him to shut up by promising to look over all the links he'd sent me and to think seriously about an L5 move.

Duo and I did our own research and wondered if a fresh new start on L5 might solve our problems. Had Wufei found us a miracle solution? At least it was a constructive action for a change and didn't involve building a cabin, which when we got right down to it, was a lot more physical work and expense than either of us looked forward to. And the weather wasn't great. We found lots of excuses to look further into our L5 options.

**(o) Wufei's POV **

The more I thought about Milliardo's remarkable announcement, or Relena's, since no word had yet come from Mill's mouth, the more I thought it absurd to even think it was true. Heero had said so and Quatre had told me so, too. Both friends had helped me get past my immediate panic (Trowa thought I'd had a nervous breakdown, but it wasn't), and the tour of L5 expanded my horizons and partially healed the pain I'd been suffering under for years having lost everything I'd been taught to fight for and live for in my colony's destruction.

I had hope, new goals to aim for, and on the flight from L5 back to Sanc, I developed a plan. I contacted Heero to fine tune it, and the evening I landed I set it into play.

First, I gathered the few supplies I'd be requiring, including borrowing a car from a co-researcher, and from there I drove to the back of the palace grounds, where a trucking road led to a loading area. I parked on a side street and walked to the security fencing where a small private copse gave me some cover. What I brought was a security line override setup. The electric fence was a "smart system" which could detect and differentiate between an animal electrocuting itself on the line and sparking it out and a real cut in the line—the kind I was about to make. I clamped my lines onto the fencing, turned on the carrier signal which would supersede the real one, and proceeded to cut an opening in the fence.

I peeled it back and crawled inside. What I was aiming for were the small caretakers' cottages; one in particular belonged to the recently retired Pargon. Heero had passed on that information to me. Security guards must have been expensive to keep because they were few in number. The palace seemed to rely heavily on the "smart fence" to maintain the perimeter. I was glad that no one was walking the beat tonight anyway as I made my way to what I understood from Heero's directions would be Pargon's residence. I kept to the shadows, just in case.

The man answered my knock. He was a little surprised to see me, I reminded him of my name, and he invited me in. We sat with tea and I told him a bit of my story.

"So you believe Milliardo is being kept here against his will?" the old butler asked. "That isn't in keeping with the Miss Relena I know, but makes perfect sense bearing in mind the recent company that's moved in."

He briefly explained the pressure group wanting to bring back the royal house in the Sanc Kingdom. "Of course, they are working against the current government, but it adds to the strength of their position if they can pull out a legitimate heir to the throne."

I couldn't have cared less about Sanc politics. I was going to L5 and taking Mill with me, if I could extract him. I didn't tell the old man about that. Pargon placed Relena and Sanc above all else. He did agree to look into Milliardo's location and return with the information or the man within the hour.

"You may not be allowed to see the man," I warned him. "I haven't even tried the direct approach, since he hasn't responded to any cell calls."

"I knew the prince for many years. I'll tell them I'd like to sway him to take the position his father vacated and become our next king. That's what they want, I suppose. I'm just an old man, what harm can it do to let me try?" Pargon winked and let his straight body relax. Using a walking stick and leaning into it, he suddenly appeared to age to the near invalid stage. It was a good trick.

"That would fool me into thinking your helpless, old man," I said.

He chuckled and gamboled out the door, snickering at his friskiness a little and then settling down to a labored gait as he headed to the grand palace.

I sat out of sight and watched out the window for any sign of danger or Mill. Waiting was always difficult. Waiting for a sign to trigger immediate, accurate, and often death-defying action took great patience. I'd been trained to meditate to gain that power, but it was a trial just the same. It did not help that my heart thumped a tattoo on the inside of my ribcage. While I'd been able to keep my cool perfectly well up until this point, it had been as if I'd been playing a role like during the war. Waiting to find out if my lover would have me thrown into jail for breaking and entry or if he'd welcome me was about to short-circuit my nervous system. _Drat love anyway!_

And then I saw them. It was Milliardo, tall and graceful, supporting Pargon on an arm, leaning his head to hear what the old man said, smiling. My heart leaped into my throat and I wiped my palms on my trousers. Mill looked so fine in his blue shirt and grey slacks. Casual but refined as usual. It wasn't until he entered the house that I could see the dark circles under his eyes and his downturned mouth. He hadn't shaved that day, the oddest thing about him I noticed.

Our eyes met the moment I stepped into his view.

"—and I think you must know my guest, Mr. Chang Wufei?" Pargon asked.

"Darling!" he shouted and dove for me, wrapping me in those strong arms so hard it left me breathless. "You came; you came for me, my heart!"

I doubt Pargon had been prepared for that greeting, but he had been an unshakable professional in the palace household all his life. He gathered himself and went to make us more tea and give us a moment of privacy.

"Do you know that I heard your sister announce you'd agreed to ascend the throne, implying that we were over and I haven't been able to contact you or heard one word from you for days?!" My words like bullets were intended to hurt. I hurt and now that I could see he was all right, my temper broke free.

"God, I am so… so very... so terribly sorry!" Of course he wasn't interested in becoming king, especially if it meant losing me in the process. His words worked as a balm to my frayed nerves, his kisses reassured me that he had nothing whatsoever to do with what had happened and that he would most certainly see to it that those responsible would pay dearly for aggravating me.

"Well, all right. You're off the hook," I murmured between kisses.

"You came for me. You believed in me, despite-"

"-Actually, you have Heero and Quatre to thank for that. Heero… straightened me out about you when I was at my lowest and Quatre soothed my soul."

"I'll make it all up to you, I promise," he whispered. "And to them as well."

"Good. I'll hold you to that promise, but it will have to wait until later."

"Later. Of course. We must leave here. What do you have in mind?"

I outlined my thoughts about L5 and painted a pretty picture of what our life there could be. As sketchy as it was, it delighted him.

"You should leave directly," Pargon recommended, setting out the tea. "I'll give you some time and cover. When your warders come questing for you, well, you know how an old man's memory can fail? I do recall how you mentioned enjoying the horses. Maybe you could be found at the stables?"

"You are a clever liar," Mill complimented him. "As soon as I am out of the Sanc kingdom tonight, I'll notify the officials about what happened to me. I know the names of the faction leaders responsible for my capture and their plans to overthrow the republic. All very amateurish. Once Commander Une is informed, and I shall relish making _that_ call, Preventers involvement will ensure this entire mess will be resolved quickly. She'll find it highly embarrassing that something of this magnitude was allowed to happen on her watch."

Again, my interest was negligible in Preventers, politics, and current affairs. Give me my ancient studies any day!

I drove him to his place to pack. "Everything of mine is in storage at the shuttle port," I told him.

"You really were about to desert me!" he exclaimed.

I believe he only just understood how deeply I'd been affected. The dolt! "I wasn't about to remain in Sanc considering the situation!"

"No, indeed. Well, I won't need much on L5. Like a soldier, which I still am, actually, I travel light. Anything we need in the future can be sent for." Mill paused at the door. "I have a few details to clear up before we go."

"The shuttle isn't until the morning. We have hours until then," I said.

"Why don't you go home and wait there for me. I have my car. I'll pick you up."

What he wanted was a little time to bang some heads together over the debacle and not have me be a party to it.

"All right, I have this car to return to the colleague I borrowed it from. I can give my apartment one last goodbye inspection."

Hardly an hour later, Milliardo swung by in a car, a rather ordinary sedan, white with one blue fender. I waited on the street, under a cover. I didn't want him coming to the door for me, drawing attention where none was wanted. Actually, I didn't want him to run into any of my associates in the rooming house and have to make small-talk. Very uncomfortable. They weren't friends. Friends were… there at the bad times as well as the good.

The car pulled to the curb and stopped. A window rolled down. "Wufei! Is that you hiding under the awning like a stray cat?"

Like I said, I hadn't expected him in that car. I was expecting a luxury vehicle. "I wasn't hiding! It's raining. That isn't your vehicle." All true.

"No it isn't. I gave mine away. Won't be needing it where we are going." Milliardo laughed. "And you were hiding, but if you say you were not-"

I snapped my seat belt closed. "I just did."

"Hungry?"

"Not particularly. Tea with Pargon was adequate."

"You don't eat three meals a day then."

"Rarely. I'm not a soldier anymore."

"You never were." He winked at me and drove away. His growing smile stopped me from making a cutting comeback. "You were a warrior."

That was better. At least he recognized the difference. "Yes, I was. And now—"

"And now you are preparing for your doctorial orals. See! I have followed your career. I have been paying attention to what you have to say. Will they be able to fully accommodate you on L5?"

"Yes I will be able to complete my degree." I closed my eyes unable to muster the excitement in anything beyond the getting there part. Getting back to L5, a changed place. "I'm very glad you are going with me," I said.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." He smiled while keeping his eyes on the road. "By choice," he added.

He took me for a drive, following a path he'd driven with me before. I couldn't see the sheep. It was dark. One last nostalgic glance for him.

And then just as the eastern sky lightened, he turned onto the highway that would take us to the shu ttle port and our next adventure.

**(o) Trowa's POV **

Quatre's "space heart" was real. With it he could feel the emotions of others, of people he was close to. We learned of it, the other pilots and I, during the war. The first demonstration being when Heero nearly self-destructed.

He developed his acuity to include a form of mental telepathy, for want of a better term, with me. I had for all practical purposes no control over it, but he had. I could send him thoughts, telepathic transmissions, if he was in a receiving mood, and he could "execute telesthesia" whether or not I was receptive, but very rarely did that. Too invasive of my privacy, he said, and he was right. He didn't abuse this power. He never abused any of his considerable power—not on me, not on the people reporting to him at WEI. Power to him meant responsibility. His. He also called his gifts simply "insight" and "keen intuition"—nothing special. Not power weapons.

Right.

The problem with having this extraordinary boyfriend was that all our friends would come to seek solace from him. He could fix broken hearts. He could help re-build lives. Well, he fixed me first, but that's not counting. I was the clown and the doctor, but he was the virtuoso wizard with a keen sense of intuition and insight.

He helped Duo and Heero and Wufei, in that order, I think. Duo had been crying over a cabin that had burned down and Heero's stone-wall emotional barrier. Heero complained about Duo's multitude of affairs, real or imagined, I didn't know. Wufei had a nervous breakdown after breaking with Milliardo.

But he was also, I discovered, a synesthetic. Probably passed in genes from his mother. It must have been screened from all his test-tube sisters, since none of them had it. His sensory pathways combined in unusual ways making him, in one more way, a most unusual man.

He could feel the pain of others. Really and truly.

He saw colors in the music he played or heard. Specific colors to all music.

Numbers had personalities. No wonder "zero" was a concept of his. It had a condescending character and the color pink associated with it!

What has all this about Quatre have to do with anything? Well, we were still on L4, looking over our options, mine, mostly, trying to find a relatively painless way to blend our lives together. There were so few openings for interns trying to complete medical training. I could feel time slip away, moving, retreating like the shifting dunes of L4. As time ran out, I was close to giving up on any scheme working out for us.

One day he shot out of bed announcing, "We're going to L5!"

He had flair for the dramatic, something I wished I'd had when I'd performed in the circus.

"We are? Tell me more?" I could play along. I'd learned to.

"I worked it out after reading a note from Wufei," he claimed.

Oh, that and gathering in some kind of "emotional net" he had floating out on the universe's ether—part of his space heart ability. He tried to explain this and then just laughed at my confused expression.

"Look!" He scrolled past the L5 listings, real, concrete things I could wrap my head around. "Medical doctors and geniuses with business acumen are in short supply."

"Geniuses? Imagine that," I mused sarcastically, not ready to believe in miracles.

"There's more. You can complete your MD in a single year, finishing your internship and residency requirements there. All you need is approval from the medical staff and doctors in charge!"

We'd be together.

"Wufei and Milliardo have decided to go—both of them, together!" he cried out, excited and very, very happy. "Heero and Duo are seriously looking into their own possibilities. Oh, Trowa! We can't ignore this!"

Everything would come together for us, if-? "Quatre, honestly, can you leave L4?"

"It just feels right, the entire thing, don't you see?" he asked.

What I saw was that he felt the planets were all aligning correctly. His whole face beamed with joy, the kind that had been missing for quite a while, so I knew this was a special decision he'd made. _Made_. Needing my okay still? His anxious eyes searched mine. So, it seemed, my approval, my agreeing to go along on this wild ride was required, desired at any rate.

"Quat. We've been talking about it and how difficult it would be for you to join me on earth, and now you're taking us both to L5?"

"Earth is so… confining. WEI has subsidiaries there that restrict what I can do, even if I'm not a part of it. I could never really feel free from the stranglehold it has on me. It is absent on L5. If I sold my shares in Winner Corp, it would fund our move there and leave me with enough to start a business of my own."

"On L5?" I was still assimilating this news.

"On L5," he repeated with a nod.

"Sell out of your family's business! Quat, I couldn't let you do that. What if things didn't work out for us on L5? You'd regret—"

"Nothing. I'd regret nothing, Trowa." He covered my face with kisses. He silenced me. He reassured me. "My sisters will be more than happy to carve up the company between them. I won't be missed, believe me—at least, not by them. And this is really just the perfect opportunity to break out and do something I want. Do you understand?"

"I understand freedom."

"Freedom. Yes! That's it! Our future looks rosy for us, Trowa. Rose and all the colors of the rainbow."

I knew he really did see it that way, too, a Technicolor rainbow of happiness and hope—with a wonder-filled universe of countless possibilities in store for us.

"If I can get the transfer—"

"Oh, you will!" He was so very sure. "L5 will want you so much, the Sanc staff on earth won't be able to say no."

So, we joined our friends on another great adventure, because everything happened like Quatre said, like he wanted, and like was best for us all, as it turned out. Me especially, I think.

**(o) Milliardo's POV **

When it comes to our love affair, I believe Wufei has said it all, leaving me with the last word.

Contentment -

(o) **In closing **

And that's enough expressed on that matter. Let it be said that Heero and I ended up on L5 with the others. Within a year we were all hunky dory and lived, so far, happily ever after.

Oh, and, if I read between the lines carefully enough, I figure Heero slept with everyone but Quatre. Now I'm wondering. I'd better keep a close eye on both guys.

I'll leave it at that since I said at the beginning that it had a happy ending, and I don't lie. - Duo Maxwell.

**The End.**

{A/N: Synesthesia is a real neurological condition in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway. I have a friend who paints the colors he hears. Do you have extraordinary friends, too?}


End file.
